Needing the Pain
by blackstar2177
Summary: After nearly killing himself over losing his little sister, Jane, Harry is losing his sanity as her laugh, and unknown voices begin to invade his mind, slowly destroying him. He needs to cut to get rid of it. If his friends can't save him, then who can?
1. Chapter 1

**Needing the Pain**

**A/N: Ok, so, this is a sequel fic to my oneshot, 'Pain Distracts Pain' and I'm gonna try to make it chaptered, so, please read. And, it will make a lot more sense, (If anyone's even reading this :P) to read my oneshot first, so, Enjoy. :D**

**Disclaimor: I do not own Mcfly, though a girl can dream **

Harry sat on the couch with his arms crossed, a frown painted across his face. "You're not serious, right?" Tom sighed. "Harry, I know that you're not agreeing with this, but you gave us all a heart attack, and we're just taking extra precautions!" Harry narrowed his eyes. "By searching my room?" Danny decided this would be a good time to step in. "Haz, please, don't take it the wrong way! Your just going through a rough time and by getting rid of anything that you might harm yourself with will make everyone feel better." Harry stood up, becoming annoyed. "What, so a small scare and you can't trust me, at all?" Tom crossed his arms. "Harry, it wasn't just a scare! You nearly killed yourself! We don't want that to happen again!" He shook his head, defeated. He knew they were just worried, and maybe he was overreacting, but he couldn't help but feel that they didn't think of him in the same way since he got out of the hospital. Like he had no self-respect for himself. And maybe he didn't. He knew what he had been doing to himself was wrong, but it had helped. In some, sick, twisted, painful, way, cutting himself had helped. He whispered, "Fine. I'm going for a walk, though. I don't need to see you do it." And with that, he grabbed his coat and walked out the door.

He sighed, hands stuffed into his pockets as he trudged down the streets of London. So many things were swirling around in his mind, cluttering every part of his brain with images. Images of the blood, his friends faces. Though, images of _her_ overshadowed everything. She was all he though about, all he saw. She was everywhere. In every picture, every memory, every lyric of every song. He found a way to trace it back to his beloved, immensely missed, deceased little sister, Jane. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she had been taken away. It wasn't fair that he had to live every day knowing that it was _his _fault she died. No matter what anyone said, he knew it was his fault. He had asked her to come visit, because he had to be selfish. He had wanted so bad to see her, he made her come last-minute, which led to her drving right to her death. Her mini hadn't stood a chance next to that towtruck. She had been a goner from the start. He blinked back tears that threatened to fall. No. He wouldn't cry. Crying for his sister always led to, well, _that_. He stopped, closing his eyes. He had walked to a park. In the distance, he heard laughing. Extremely familiar laughing. He squinted slightly, catching sight of brown hair by an oak tree. He ran.

He got to the tree, only to find that no one was there. He muttered, "Oh god." As he sunk to his knees, leaning against the tree with his head in his hands. He heard the faint laughing again. He started breathing harder. "No, please, I'm not crazy. I can't be hearing things!" He heard it again. He shook his head, trying to get it out of his head. A single tear fell. It was all too much. He wasn't even halfway over his one problem, and now he was hearing her laugh. Her sweet, sincere laugh that was now echoing around him. He groaned in frustration. "Maybe I am crazy. I nearly killed myself and now I'm hearing things. Why do I have to be so messed up?" Something in the back of his mind whispered, _'Because you killed her, you idiot. Why shouldn't you hear her? Why shouldn't you be reminded of what you did? Tom should have left you there. You should have died.'_ He furiously wiped away tears as he pulled slightly at his hair. He looked around. He needed to do it. He needed to get rid of the pain and the voices.

He found a tree branch, sharp and splintering. He pushed up his jacket sleeve, before stopping. No, it'd be too obvious. They'd check him there. He then pushed it back down, going for his leg instead. He droved the stick into thigh, painfully marking himself. This was different. It was sloppier, and hurt even more. A blade did a much better job, but he didn't have one with him, and this was doing the job just find. Slowly the voices faded away, slowly her laugh died, and that high, dizzy feeling came. He breathed out, leaning against the tree. The pain would keep it all away for a while. Now that Tom, Danny, and Dougie knew, it would be a lot harder to get his buzz. They'd be monitoring him very closely now. One thing he knew, was that he was completely, and totally, screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Needing the Pain Ch. 2**

**A/N: Ok, so I am going to make this chapter longer, since my first one was so pathetically short. I'm pretty positive that ****loststoleandfound**** is my only reader right now, and I thank you for being my very first reader/reviewer! So, anyway, enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, though a girl can dream**

Tom, Dougie, and Danny stood hesitantly outside the bedroom doorway, an empty cardboard box in Danny's hand. They felt awfully guilty for searching the drummer's room and invading his privacy, but after what happened, privacy felt like one of the last things they truly wanted to give him.

Danny was the first to step inside, looking around, taking in the posters and pictures, the sloppily made bed, the drumsticks Harry had always taken with him. Well, except today, when he had, annoyed, stormed out of the house. He spotted a silver object behind the drummer's clock, and saw it was a thin, freshly cleaned razor blade, slid halfway under the digital clock. He slowly slid it to the edge of the nightstand, careful to not cut himself as he put it into the box. They seemed to get more determined after that, as they continued to search and confiscate any remotely sharp or harm-worthy object in the room.

Harry made his way into the house, the buzz slowly wearing off. He breathed in deeply, as he took off his coat. He gulped, when he saw the box in the kitchen, and Dougie sitting beside it, looking troubled. The drummer asked quietly, "So, did you find what you were looking for?" Dougie looked up, his blue eyes watering slightly, as he chewed on his lip. "Five blades. You had five blades in your room." Harry sighed, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I needed them." _'You still do, you weak, insignificant failure.'_ He gulped, as he held back a groan of frustration. The voices were back. The horrifying, yet so brutally truthful voices were no longer blocked, and soon enough, her voice would come as well. He was sure of it.

Dougie shook his head, eyebrows furrowing as a look of anger swept across his face, so foreign and unfamiliar looking on the kind, fun-loving bassist. It scared him. The younger man said, voice rising, "You _needed_ five blades? That's not a good thing, Haz! It makes us all feel even worse about the fact that we could have stopped this sooner!" Harry narrowed his eyes until they were slits. "You don't understand, Dougie! None of you, do! I needed those blades because they were my only relief! They blocked everything else out! So sorry if I was just taking away the pain!" Dougie shook his head, wetting his lips. "Harry, trying to kill yourself does nothing but cause pain to everyone else! We had this conversation in the hospital! I told you that you needed to live for her, and be here with all the people that care about you! WE care about you! That's why we took all of the sharp objects out of your room! We couldn't stand seeing you the way you were!" The drummer sunk into a chair, closing his eyes, as he began trembling. His breathing became ragged as the memory flashed through his mind.

_**FLASHBACK:**_

_"Come on, Harry! Calm down! I'm only a little late!" Harry's eyes flashed, as he shouted, "A little? Really, Jane? Try forty minutes! You know how worried mum was? She was ready to phone the police! You need to be more responsible!" She crossed her arms, as tears began to form. "Your not the boss of me!" He growled, "I'm your older brother, and I'm telling you that you need to be home when mum and dad want you to be! Not push us to the point of being ready to send out a search party!" She balled her hands into fists, face turning red as she screamed, "I HATE YOU!" Pushing past him and stumbling up the steps as her sobs echoed through the foyer._

Harry clenched his teeth as the memory unwillingly came and went, and soon enough, he broke down crying. He fell to the kitchen floor, his entire body shaking as the words echoed through his head. The words she had said to him when she was sixteen. _'I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! She still thinks that, you know. She hates you even more so, since you indirectly killed her. You ended her life. It's all your fault.' _He cried out, as Dougie, wide-eyed, crouched down over him and hugged him tightly, whispering soothingly, "It's okay, Harry. Calm down! It's alright. I'm here. Dougie's here." Tom and Danny came in, horrified by the sight of Harry rocking pitifully on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably as Dougie held him.

After they had carried their broken friend to his bedroom, and caringly coaxed him to sleep, they gathered in the living room, all three of them teary-eyed and concerned. Tom said shakily, "Maybe we should get him help." Dougie shook his head continuously, as if repulsed by the very idea. "NO, we don't need to do that! We were arguing, and I guess that set him off. He's going through a horrible time right now and by sending him away, he's going to think we don't want him! We need to try to solve this first. He needs us more than ever right now." Danny hugged himself tightly. "This is going to be a lot harder than I could have ever imagined." At that moment, they didn't realize just how right Danny was.

**A/N: Done! So, I'm actually pretty happy with this chapter. Review please! I'd really appreciate some feedback. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Needing the Pain Ch. 3**

**A/N: Ok, so, even though I only have one reader, (who I find very lovely :D) I am pretty proud of myself for writing this story and posting it on here. So, I'm giving myself a pat on the back for being brave enough. Hehe, anyway, Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, though a girl can dream (and dream I shall)**

_'Harry looked around, unsure where he was. The sky was a bright blue, the sun shining happily on the plush green grass below. "Hey, Haz." He turned around, seeing none other than Jane Judd, the girl that had been haunting him and gradually tearing him to shreds. He sucked in his breath. "J-Jane? Is that you?" She smiled, as he took in her appearance. Her dark brown hair tumbled in soft waves down her back, her fringe sweeping across startling blue eyes. She had her favorite converse on, with a pair of denim shorts and a Blink 182 shirt. She looked just as he remembered her. _

_He reached out to touch her, wanting to hold her, missing his sister to no end, completely shocked to see her truly for the first time in two years. As he was about to reach her, she whispered, "You killed me, Harry." Tears sprung in his eyes. "No, I'm sorry! Please!" She laughed madly, as if she'd lost her mind, and the scene changed. The bright blue sky darkened, until it was a mixture of red and orange, pink streaks running and disappearing through clouds. The grass disintegrated, as the now barren ground cracked and dried up. He looked around, and saw that she was standing with her arms crossed, a twisted grin nearly cracking her face in half as the earth below him opened up. As he fell, her psychotic laughs penetrated his eardrums...'_

He woke with a start, face heavily coated in sweat, his vision blurring with tears. He sat up, hugging his knees to his chest as he cried, before dry swallowing and reaching behind his alarm clock, only to realize the blade was gone. He remembered. They'd taken every one. He shook his head, clutching at his hair, his nails digging into his scalp. Her laugh echoed through his mind once more, as he got up and ran for the bathroom.

He locked the door, and looked everywhere. For anything that could get rid of the voices, make the clear nightmare fuzzy, even for a few minutes. He needed peace, and he couldn't get it without his buzz; his only way of forgetting. He gave up on the bathroom and opened the door.

He walked out the back door, running into the garden. He looked everywhere, before seeing them. Gardening sheers. He eagerly made his way over to them, and picked them up. He shoved up his pajama leg, anxious to get rid of it all. Get rid of the painful memories. The dream. Her _mocking laugh._ He was ready to bring it against his skin when he heard a tired voice ask, "What are you doing?" He dropped the sheers, letting his pant leg fall back down as he slowly turned around. Blue eyes met blue eyes as they stared at each other.

"Harry, please, tell me you weren't..." Danny couldn't find the breath to finish his question. He knew Harry understood what he meant. Harry let his shoulders sag, as he whined, voice cracking, "I _need _to! Please! Just let me forget it! Let me forget the whole thing!" Danny walked over wrapping his arms securely around the taller man's shoulders as he whispered, "forget what, Harry?" The drummer closed his eyes, as tears slipped through his long lashes, trailing down his jaw line and settling at the bottom of his chin, before splattering onto the leaves of plants surrounding them. "She hates me! I killed her! She told me! I need to forget the - " Danny finished, voice hushed and soothing, "nightmare? Did you have a nightmare, Haz?" Danny felt his stomach churning at how he was resorted to speaking to his friend. Like he was a child. It wasn't right. Harry sunk down to his knees, taking the guitarist with him. "I need to forget! I don't wanna know the truth! I need to forget!" He began shaking, and Danny knew he was having another anxiety attack.

_'Your so pathetic! You need him to hold you like a baby! Poor baby, Harry! Always needing to be looked after! To make sure he doesn't cause anymore deaths!'_ He gritted his teeth, as his head clouded. The overwhelming laugh filling every part of his mind. His body went rigid as he cried, letting himself finally melt into Danny's comforting hug. Danny didn't know what else to do. He was terrified. This was so out of character for Harry. And all this was happening because he didn't have access to anything sharp. Didn't have the unspoken freedom to do what he pleased with his body. He was falling apart, and all Danny could do was hug him close and whisper things that wouldn't do a thing. He slowly brought himself and Harry up, practically dragging him back to the house.


	4. Chapter 4

**Needing the Pain Ch.4**

**A/N: Ok, so, I'm on a roll with this story and am bursting at the seams with creativity, (plus its the weekend, so no school, which gives me more time to write :D) so I have decided to write another chapter. Anyways, sorry about my rants at the beginning of chapters, I really can't help myself, so, getting to the point, Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, well, except for inside my head**

Harry walked mindlessly into the living room, greeted by his three friends. Tom tried his best to smile, as he said quietly, "Hey Haz, how are you? Want something to eat?" The drummer only shook his head as he sat on the lounger, putting as much space between them and him as possible.

He was wearing a shortsleeved shirt, making the majority of his scars visible. Danny winced slightly when he caught sight of the large, deep, cut on his left arm. The one that would never be forgotten. The one that nearly cost him his life. It was the first time they'd seen it since Harry's few hospital days, and it was hard not to stare at it.

Harry hugged his knees to himself tightly, aware of the eyes that were scanning his self-inflicted injuries. The voices wasted no time to give their input; to taunt him as they'd been doing for days now.

_'Look at them. Their horrified, because you decided to show off what caused them the most pain. They're dying inside, too. Just for having to look at you. Just for having to take care of you, since you can't go one second without your precious little blade, or, blades, considering you used to keep five in your room. Ha! Your a disgrace. So devastatingly pathetic. '_

He shut his eyes tightly as her laugh filled the room. He was half-expecting to see the other three looking around, wondering where the laughing was coming from.

Only they didn't, because he was the one who was plagued with having to hear it.

Dougie walked over, kneeling beside him as he said soothingly, "It's alright, Harry. Please, just speak to us. Tell us what your thinking." The drummer finally spoke, voice cracking, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm a disgrace. I'm sorry you have to take care of me." Dougie's eyebows shot up as he took the drummer's hand. "Your anything _but_ a disgrace, Harry. Please, don't think that. We're fine with helping you. You need us, and we're glad to here with you."

_'Did you hear that, Harry? He voiced what everyone's been thinking. You need them. You need them to watch you, to take care of you like a child. Your older than two of them, and yet their the ones looking after you! Jane would be so dissappointed in you, so ashamed to have you as a brother. Oh wait, she IS dissappointed and ashamed of you! HA!'_

Harry chewed on his lip, trying to block the tears that threatened to fall. He needed to stop crying. He needed to try to be strong, even though all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark corner, curl into a ball and weep until he was all out of tears. That wasn't the only thing he wanted to do, though. He was addicted. Addicted to the feeling of his skin being cut open, to the smell of blood, to the buzz that followed and took everything away. He couldn't think about that now, though.

Tom stood up, kneeling on Harry's other side and taking his free hand. "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we go out. We could get something to eat, go into your favorite music store. Buy you some new drumsticks?" _'That's not the only places they'd like to take you. I'm sure they'd love to take you to a mental hospital, get rid of you once and for all and go on with the lives they've had to leave behind for you.'_

Harry gulped, before nodding. If he was lucky, they'd take him somewhere dark and lonely and just leave him there, like he was sure they wanted to do.

Harry stood outside the restaurant, refusing to go in. He shook his head. "No, please, not this one!" They threw him funny looks. Danny asked, confused, "Why? What's wrong with here?" Harry gulped, trembling again as a memory flashed through his mind.

_**FLASHBACK:**_

_Jane laughed as she threw a french fry at her older brother. Harry caught it in his mouth, making her laugh even harder. He grinned, before saying, "So, what do you want to do when you grow up?" She raised an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Janey. We both know I have my future, drummer extraordinaire, but, but I have not a clue of what you want to be?" She pressed her lips together, deep in thought, when she suddenly blurted out, "Ooh! I know! i want to be a beautician!" He tilted his head. She rolled her eyes as she overdramatically huffed. "A hairdresser, Harry! Jeez, I thought you'd know what that was, since you wanted to be one when you were younger!" He crossed his arms. "I was like, six. Leave me be!" She giggled, as she threw another frenchfry at him. "I can't wait till I'm a proper adult and I can go with the wind. Do as I please - " "Ruin people's lives by shredding their hair." Harry interupted, a cheeky grin on his face. She lightly smacked him, before going back to her food._

Harry was crying by now, as he stepped back. "Please, I'm begging you! Don't make me go in there!" Tom wrapped his arms around the drummer, whispering soothing words in his ear as they walked hastily away from the restaurant.

They were inside the music store, and Harry had wandered off, wanting to be alone for a bit. He was fingering with drumsticks, when he came across a pink pair, sparkles scattered around it. He winced as another memory made its way through.

_**FLASHBACK:**_

_"Jane! What did you do to my drumsticks?" He looked panickingly at the now pink bedazzled drumsticks, heavy in his hand. Fourteen year old Jane came skipping in, stifling her laughter at the sight of the sparkling sticks in her sixteen year old brother's hand. "I was bored, and you were out with your friend, so, I entertained myself." His face was turning red, and Jane could've sworn she saw smoke coming out of his ears. He dropped the sticks and shouted, "Your dead!" She screamed as she ran out of the room, followed by a very angry Harry. He followed her into her room before she could lock the door and tackled her onto her bed. He proceeded to torture her by tickling her sides. She shreiked as her sweet, pure laughter filled the room._

He held his head in his hands, pulling at his hair as her laughter grew louder and louder, until it was like screeching, pounding against his eardrums. He crouched down, bending over as he ground his teeth together. "Hey, buddy, you ok?" An unrecognizable voice drifted into his ears, and he yelped, terrified. He looked up wide-eyed, his visioin blurring. He needed to get out of here. He pushed past the man, and ran for the exit, sprinting out of the store and out of sight.

Tom, Danny, and Dougie came running over to the aisle where they heard the yelp, and saw a stunned man with thinning grey hair staring at the door. Tom tapped on his shoulder, asking, "Have you seen a tall man, with blue eyes and brown hair?" the man nodded, saying, "He was bent over here, and I asked if he was okay. He just yelped at me, looking scared out of his mind, before running out the door." The three looked at each other wide-eyed before running outside.

They looked from left to right, seeing no one. Tom gulped. "Dear god. Split up! We need to find him!" And with that, they went their separate ways, panicked as they went looking for their scared friend.

**A/N: dun, Dun, DUN! Cliffhanger! (I think...) It was a longer chapter, and I'm pretty pleased with myself, so, review please! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Needing the Pain Ch. 5**

**A/N: I'm getting really into this story, even though I don't have a lot of readers, I'm feeling accomplished. So, thank you to ****loststolenandfound**** for giving me bunches of confidence, and inspiring me to write this sequel :D xx! I seriously grin so big every time I get a review. So, enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Mcfly, but I'm keeping my hopes up ;)**

Harry had ended up at the park again. He made his way to the oak tree, the screeching laughter becoming overwhelming. He looked for a twig, _anything_ remotely sharp enough, but found the branches were all cleared. He looked up, and knew the branches still connected to the tree were too high up. He'd never reach them; not in his state.

He curled into a ball, face coated in tears and sweat as the laughing began to hurt his ears. The voices drifted into his head once again, with the usual taunts.

_'You are so unbelievably pathetic. You can't handle seeing anything without triggering memories, and then, you break down into a tantrum. Your just embarrassing yourself, really. Why do they even bother helping you? Your so hopeless, you should just end your pitiful life now. You'd love that wouldn't you? You'd love to try and kill yourself again. Only, this time, you'd make sure you'd succeed. No one's here to stop you now, so just do it! You know you want to...'_

He shut his eyes tight, before screaming, "STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He continued wailing, sobbing harder. The voices didn't stop, though.

_'Oh, but that won't happen, Harry. I'll always be here to tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. You need me, you like when I insult you, because you know it's true. Your insane, Harry. Completely insane.'_

He started tearing at his hair, biting his lip hard until he it happened. The metallic taste of blood began to seep into his mouth. He bit down harder, the red liquid dribbling down his chin. He held back a moan of pain. It was working. The voices were leaving, the laugh was quieting, the buzz was coming again. It wasn't as strong, but it was helping. That was all that mattered.

It was getting dark out, and Tom was getting worried. He hadn't gotten any word from Dougie or Danny about Harry, and he was afraid they wouldn't find him tonight. He came across a park near the outskirts of London, and decided it'd be best to look around. It was his last hope at the moment.

He heard muffled sobs behind him in the distance, and saw a black figure curled up next to a tree. He jogged over, horrified and relieved at the same time by what he saw.

There lay Harry, curled in on himself, eyes shut tightly, blood on his lip and chin. "Oh god. Harry..." He muttered, covering his mouth.

He quickly bent down, taking the drummer's head in his hands as he whispered, "Harry, it's okay, open your eyes. It's me, Tom." Harry, still refusing to do so, whimpered, "Kill me now, Tom. Please. Just kill me. I can't do this, I can't live like this. Just end me now." Tom shook his head swiftly. "Harry, I'm not doing that. Listen, I'm going to take you home, and I'm going to clean you up. Please just open your eyes.

Harry opened them slightly, and Tom really wished he had just let him keep them closed. They were blood shot, and the blue was looking more grey than anything else.

He wrapped his arms around his waist, and pulled him up. "Come on, Haz. Let's go home, okay?" Harry just nodded, leaning into his friend, as if he would crumple to the ground without the support.

Danny and Dougie watched silently as Tom wiped the dirt and blood from Harry's chin. It was scary, seeing their friend so broken. So helpless. So, _not _Harry. It was as if the old Harry just faded away, and in it's place was a pitiful, broken mess that needed to be watched so carefully, it was unbelievable.

Though, Harry hasn't really been _Harry_ since Jane died. He'd just been able to keep it together, hiding behind sharp metal.

Harry closed his eyes softly as Tom cleaned him up. The laughing was coming back, and so were the voices. He didn't have a doubt in his mind. He was insane, or, rather, he was gradually getting there. He was drifting further and further each day, and he wasn't sure he could ever come back.

Tom asked, once he was done, "Harry, why did you run off like that? You had us worried sick."

_'See? Your causing so much trauma in their lives. You don't deserve to be near any human being. All you do is cause pain and heartache.'_

He ground his teeth, as he whispered, "Stop, leave me alone!" Tom frowned. "Harry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just want to know why you ran off."

Harry groaned, "To get away! I need the pain! Just give it back! Give back my relief! I can't go on without it!" Danny said, trying to stay calm, "Harry, you _can_ and you _will_ go on without it! As long as we're here you will NOT harm yourself!" Harry stood up and screamed, "THEN LEAVE! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! I WAS DOING FINE WITHOUT IT!"

He stormed out of the room, climbing the stairs two at a time as he walked into his room, and slammed the door shut with a loud bang.

Tom sat on the couch, head in his hands. "I don't know if we can do this guys. I really, truly think we need to get him help. We're not capable of dealing with this!" Dougie stood up angrily, clenching his fists till his knuckles had turned white. "So that's it! Your going to just give up on him? He's not going to get better if we send him off to some loony bin! If anything, he'll just isolate himself and get worse!" Danny pushed him back down onto the couch by his shoulder, and angrily shouted, "Your not a doctor, Dougie! Why are you so against this! He needs professional help! We're musicians, not therapists, not doctors, we don't have any medical background! For all we know, he could be driving himself insane!" Dougie crossed his arms. "I won't let you do this! He's staying here, with us!" Tom screamed, "STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD! WE'RE NOT CAPABLE OF THIS AND YOU KNOW IT!"

Harry sat wedged in the corner of his room, tears rolling down his cheeks as he heard them shout at one another. The laughing was almost at full volume and the voices weren't wasting the opportunity to torment him once more.

_'See what you've reduced them to? They're fighting because of you, Harry! You are ruining their lives. Tom and Danny want to send you away! They don't care! Your just starting drama and fights.'_

Harry stifled a sob. The voice was right. He was ruining everyone's lives. He deserved to be sent away. He deserved to be alone.

**A/N: jeez, this chapter made me so depressed, but I'm addicted to writing it, though. I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this, and am just making it up as I go along, so we'll see. Nothing's planned out. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Needing the Pain Ch. 6**

**A/N: I'm pretty pleased with this story so far. I am on a roll, since this is like, the fourth chapter I posted today lol. I love writing it, or, well, writing in general. I'm literally OBSESSED with it! Hehe, anyways, enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way own Mcfly, but I can dream *sighs***

Dougie hadn't said a word to Danny or Tom in two days. He couldn't suppress the large amounts of annoyance, desperation, and anger he felt toward the entire situation. It wasn't fair to Harry to just give up on him. They were supposed to be his best friends for crying out loud! Friends don't abandon each other in their time of need.

Well, at least, Dougie thought that was how it worked.

He wasn't so sure now. Danny and Tom were ready to grab a phone and haul him off to a loony bin, but not Dougie. No, Dougie wasn't giving up on Harry. Harry needed _their_ help, not some random shrink while lying on a leather couch. No, that wasn't going to happen. He'd do everyting in his power to keep Harry here. He owed him that much.

True, he was scared. Correction, he was terrified. He didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know how to help his friend. He just knew that it was his job to do it. And that's what he was going to do.

Tom was worried. Dougie wasn't talking to them, wasn't even _looking_ at them. That fight had shaken them all. They'd never yelled at each other like that. Tom wasn't even sure why he said all that he did. Actually, he did know.

Short and simple, he was confused.

Confused and scared. This was all so new to him, and he was afraid he'd fail. He was afraid he'd fail the others. He was afraid he'd fail Harry. He knew Dougie was sticking up for what he believed in, but he also thought the bassist was in way over his head.

They weren't familiar with anything remotely similar to this. They hadn't even known it was happening at first. Sure, they'd seen the signs, they'd noticed something was off. But they didn't know that that something was _Harry_. Harry, of all people, he was the last person Tom thought would ever break, over _anything_.

Jane's death had affected them all, and he knew it had hurt Harry. He just didn't think it would ever lead him to, well, to _that_. Tom wouldn't be able to take it if he failed him.

Danny couldn't do this. He knew he couldn't. Harry was supposed to be strong for them. Not the other way around. He'd always been so dependent on Harry to keep things together, that when the drummer couldn't anymore, Danny wasn't sure how to handle it.

They were slowly falling apart without him. Once Harry had snapped, it was like the world stopped spinning. They were no longer a well-oiled machine. No longer a good functioning self-made family.

He understood where Dougie was coming from, but he just couldn't bring himself to agree. He knew he should be there for Harry, but it was hard. Harry'd always been there for _them_. Being there for him like this was so foreign, so strange, so _wrong_! He had never needed them like this, before.

The drummer was obviously far from being okay, and Danny just couldn't deal with it right now. He was completely, and utterly terrified.

**A/N: Ok, so this chapter somehow turned into the boys' thoughts about everything. That wasn't really where I was heading with it, but that's where I ended up. So, that's sort of what they all thought and why they believed what they did. Review please! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Needing the Pain Ch. 7**

**A/N: Hmm... I wasn't too happy with my last chapter, and I know that it was really really really short, but, I didn't want to add to it. I'm really picky about how I end my chapters. Humph, anyways, enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, except for in my twisted little fantasy hehe :)**

Harry hadn't left his bedroom in three days. He refused to let anyone in. He felt as if keeping himself locked away would make his band mates' lives easier. He'd already caused them so much pain. He didn't understand why they were even trying to talk to him still.

"Harry? Please, just open the door. Or answer me at least! I need to know your okay in there! Please, Haz, just let me in." Dougie's pleading voice drifted in through the other side of the door.

Harry pressed himself into the corner, as if trying to make himself disappear from sight. Why did Dougie even care? His lip quivered slightly, as the banging on his door got louder. The voices chose this time to make themselves known.

_'Wow, now your too scared to even open the door? It's sad really. Your entire life is so pathetic it's almost funny. Your too much of a wimp to even face your so called "friends" now.'_

He heard Dougie mutter, "That's it. I'm not playing around anymore." He saw the knob jiggle as the lock was picked. He pressed himself even farther into the corner.

The door opened, and Dougie walked in, kneeling in front of Harry, hard blue eyes softening at the sight before him. Harry winced from the light brought in from the hallway.

Harry looked greatly disheveled, eyes bloodshot and glazed over from continuous sobbing. His hair was a mess, the front plastered with sweat against his forehead. His shirt was crumpled and seemed too big now. His hands were shaking as he whispered, "Please, go away! I don't want to ruin your lives anymore! Just leave me be!" Dougie shook his head, hooking his arms securely around the scared drummer's waist, pulling him up like Tom had in the park after his melt down. Dougie led him to the hallway, eager to get him out of the dark, depressing prison cell Harry had made for himself.

He sat him at the kitchen table, wasting no time to pour him a glass of water. Harry refused at first, but reluctantly accepted it when he saw the look in the bassist's eyes. It read, 'I'm not messing around. Your taking what I give you.' yet another unsuiting look on the younger man's features.

Tom walked in, seeing Harry slowly sipping water, and Dougie watching intently, determined to make him drink every last drop. Dougie glanced up, before quickly averting his gaze. He hadn't let go what had happened a few days ago. He wouldn't until they agreed to let him stay here, where he belongs.

Tom walked over to Harry, rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles as he said, "Hey, good to see you, mate. We were getting worried you'd never come out." Harry inwardly cringed at the voice's words.

_'You can't do anything right, can you? When your around them, you cause heart ache, when you lock yourself away, you cause heart ache. You don't belong anywhere, do you? Well, except for maybe ten feet underground in a casket.' _

The laugh seemed to push against the walls, expanding and not quite fitting inside the small kitchen. He put the glass down and covered his ears, closing his eyes. "Please, just stop! Stop the noise! I can't take it anymore!" Dougie finally looked at Tom properly, his face screwed up in confusion and concern. What was Harry talking about?

_'Wow, you can't even handle a little laughing. You know that laugh though. That's why you hate hearing it. It's a permanent reminder of the fate you sealed for Jane! You hate hearing her name, too! JANE JANE JANE JANE JANE!'_

Harry clenched his teeth, as he got up, and looked around frantically. He needed to forget. He needed to block out the noise. It was driving him crazy! Tom tried to pull him back, but his unwilling body only thrashed out, as Tom asked frantically, "Harry! What are you doing?" The drummer groaned. "I need to do it! Just let me do it! Please, I'm begging you! I just want to get rid of the noise!"

Dougie stood firmly in front of him as he placed his hands on his panicking friend's shoulders, the drummer looking almost as if he was in pain.

"Harry, what noise are you talking about?" Dougie asked, determined to get his answer. They might finally find what his problem was, and be able to help him better. Harry moaned, "The laughing! She's always laughing! I can't take it anymore! I just want silence!"

Dougie looked at Tom, an eyebrow raised. "Laughing? You hear laughing?" Harry had given up on trying to get away and instead collapsed to the floor with his hands placed tightly against his ears, rocking back in forth.

_'Look what you've done, Harry? Now they really think your crazy! They're going to send you away where all you'll ever hear is her laugh. Her laugh and the voices in your head. Unless you end everything... You want to. You want to so bad.'_

Tears were forcing their way out, as his body wracked with loud sobbing. He whimpered over and over, "So loud. So loud."

Tom fell to his knees as he hugged him tightly, whispering soothing words in his ear to try and calm him down. The drummer moaned again. "I need the pain! Please, I'm begging you!" Tom held him tighter. "No, Harry. The pain will only make things worse. What laughing are you hearing?" Harry shouted, "Hers! Her laugh! It's so loud! So unforgiving! She hates me! It's my fault she's dead!"

Tom and Dougie looked at each other. They'd finally found out his true problem. Finally had enough information to truly help. The only problem was, they didn't know how to without talking to someone.

Dougie shook his head. "No. That's not happening." Tom frowned as he held onto Harry. "How else are we going to solve this, then?"

**A/N: Okay, so, I wasn't sure what else to put, so I made it a cliffhanger. This story's getting a lot harder to write, because I didn't just want it to extend till all it was was Harry whining and stuff. It might get boring really fast. So, I'll have to spend loads of more time on the chapters now. Review and tell me what you think! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Needing the Pain Ch. 8**

**A/N: Okay, so, I'm now back to my boring weekday schedule that consists of SCHOOL (bleh ****) so I won't be updating as much as I would on the weekends. Anyways, enough of my rambling. Enjoy **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly *huff*  
**

Harry was sitting on the front porch, slowly rocking back and forth, eyes wide as the laughing echoed all around him, bouncing of the walls and trees. He was worried. Very, very worried. Tom, Dougie, and Danny would definitely think he was nuts after that episode in the kitchen.

They knew. They knew about the voices. They knew about the severe laughing he'd been hearing for days.

'_They're sending you away, Harry. You know that. They think your officially crazy. They know your hearing me, hearing her. There's only one way to escape. Only one way to end everything. For everyone. It can all be over, all you need is something sharp.'_

He shook his head repeatedly, trying to banish the more than tempting thoughts being put in his head. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't kill himself. Not after what had happened last time. The looks on his friends faces, and how they'd reacted was still etched in his mind.

It was so tempting, though. Knowing there was an escape. Actually, there were two, but he was stripped from the more desirable one. Cutting. The word was like a file in his brain. A file full of blood, pain, _relief_. He was losing his mind without it, and it was only getting worse.

He'd been so dependent on it for such a long time, that without it, he was hopelessly weak; unable to survive in the world. It was essential; having access to a blade.

Danny watched him through the window, unmoving, eyes not daring to blink, afraid that if they did, Harry would vanish. He was so far gone, it was like an empty shell. Crushed on the inside, yet so hard and protected on the exterior.

When Dougie and Tom had informed him of what had happened. Of what Harry was really dealing with, he had froze. Harry was getting to the point of really being crazy. He was losing hope that the drummer could even get better. He was hearing _voices_ in his _head_ for crying out loud! And her laugh! Her laugh was everywhere he went! How could he, Danny Jones, barely 25, really only knowing his way around a guitar, make a psychological diagnosis and _help _ him! The dude needed some kind of medication! Or serious help! _Professional_ help.

Danny suddenly cringed, ashamed. Had he really just thought those things? He was a _horrible_ friend!  
Danny suddenly understood what Dougie had been saying, and that made him feel even guiltier. Harry's their best friend, and he needed them right now! They were like his life support and he was thinking of walking away and leaving him in the hands of a stranger? No, nada, zip, not going to happen. He wouldn't send him away, but that didn't mean he was okay with solving this on his own. They just weren't qualified for it. They weren't helping by sitting back and watching it all go down; watching their friend deteriorate. He needed Dougie to see that.

"Mate? Are you alright?" Harry jumped at the sound of Danny's thickly accented voice ringing out. He gulped, saying quietly, "I'm sorry." Danny shook his head, taking a seat next to him.

The just sat like that for a while, when Harry whispered, "I'm insane, Dan." Danny felt his heart breaking, his chest tightening as the lump in his throat grew. "You're not insane, Haz. Don't listen to those voices in your head. They're wrong, whatever they're telling you. Your still Harry, and I know your scared. I just want you to know that we won't _ever_ send you away, and we won't ever give up on you. Your our best friend, and best friends don't do those kind of things. You need to trust _us_, though. Not the voices." Harry felt his head fall onto Danny's shoulder as he leant into him, closing his eyes. The laughter was still there. It wasn't going away.

"I just want it to stop! I don't want to hear her mocking me anymore! I know what I did, but I don't want to be reminded of it _all the time_! The pain kept it all away! I just want that buzz again. That high feeling that made me feel better; blocked everything out." Danny's frown deepened as he held him. "You didn't do anything, Haz. You didn't kill Jane." Harry pulled away sharply, nostrils flaming as he growled, "Don't say her name!" Danny put his hands up. "Sorry, but it's the truth. Jane's death was an _accident_!" Harry stood up, pulling the guitarist up by his collar. "I said don't say her name!"

Danny heard it before he felt it. He heard the crack; the sound of bones breaking. Then he felt it. The searing pain right where his nose was. He touched it, bringing his hand back only to see blood.

Harry's eyes widened in fear as he realized what he'd done. Tears poured out his eyes as he ran into the house, heading right back into his prison cell.

Danny sat down, blinking several times, trying to register what had happened. It sunk in finally. Harry had _hit_ him. He had punched him square in the nose. Dougie came running out, sitting next to Danny as he examined his nose. "What happened!" Danny sighed. "Harry punched me."

Harry hugged his pillow, crying heavily in shame and self-loathing. He couldn't believe what he'd just done, though the voices could.

'_See how horrible you are? You hurt him, Harry. All he was doing was trying to help you and you hit him. He probably hates you now. He won't even want to be in same room with you. You don't deserve the treatment your getting.'_

Harry finally decided what he had to do. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't tear their lives apart any longer. He needed to leave before he hurt anyone else.

**A/N: Done! I was thinking of ending it soon, but my mind formed more ideas, so the story's not over yet! More chapters to come! Review and tell me what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Needing the Pain Ch. 9**

**A/N: Okay, so I am really happy right now, because more people are reading my story! I mean, I went from one to three, so I feel pretty good. Hopefully more will come along through it! Enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, (I'll settle for just Harry, though :D)**

Harry didn't want to waste time. He'd spent enough writing them a note, if they'd even bother reading it now. After what he did to Danny, he'd be surprised if they even cared he was gone.

_'You are such a coward. Running away when they can find you. There's an easier way, your just too much of a wimp to take it!'_

He clenched his teeth to keep from screaming. No matter how truthful the voice was, he couldn't wait till he could get rid of it. Once he left, he could cut all he wanted and turn his life around. He could start all over.

_'Ha. You'll never be able to start over! What you did was unforgettable. Unforgivable. You'll be plagued with it for the rest of your life.'_

He grabbed his bag, that held money and some pairs of clothing, slinging it over his shoulder. He placed the note on his pillow, as he quietly, sadly, looked around. He spotted his picture of the four when they'd moved in on his nightstand, and slowly walked over to it.

He took it out of the frame, running his thumb over the glozzy front. A tear fell onto it, the water separating and pooling on different parts of the picture, before streaming like rivers off the side.

Their poses were goofy; not a surprise. He was holding Dougie bridal style, his own face grinning, The smile reaching his eyes. He hasn't smiled like that in a long time. The bassist had his arms stuck out, eyes wide, a goofy smile lighting up his face. Danny stood next to them, Mouth open, corners turned up into a grin, two thumbs-up stuck close to his round cheeks. Tom was scratching behind his head, a half smile that still managed to look so big and happy, his smiling brown eyes sparkling.

His face suddenly turned red, and out of rage, he ripped the top and bottom halves of himself out of the photo, leaving Dougie, before tearing his smiling face to shreds. He left it on the bed next to the note and walked out of his bedroom door.

He walked out the front door, the outside world asleep and unnoticing, stars scattered across the sky like trails on a map. Trails he wishes he could take. At least he could be alone up there.

He sadly looked back at the house he was leaving, tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked away and walked out of the life he'd come so used to, yet couldn't bear to be apart of any longer. Not when he knew he was ruining it for everyone else.

Tom woke up first, wanting to be able to talk to Harry alone. To tell the drummer that Danny didn't hate him. They'd forgive him for it, especially since it was only out of pent up rage. They had refrained fromm saying her name too often, knowing that Harry just couldn't take it right now. He always had went silent at the sound of it. Maybe the voices are saying her name. Tom shuddered. He still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that Harry was hearing things. It meant he was far worse than they had thought.

He knocked on the door, recieving no answer. He picked the lock, letting himself in. He was shocked to find it empty. He looked around, when his eyes fell upon the note on his pillow. With shaking hands, he took his, scanning the words, brown eyes shining with tears. It slipped from his hands, floating onto the bed as he ran out, anxious to wake the others. This wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.

Harry took a deep breath as he boarded the train. He had a cap on, eyes sheilded by sunglasses. They had taken time off from the band because of his issues, though they didn't say that. Just said they needed a break. Yet another thing he ruined.

_'Your such a moron! Running away is a stupid idea since your FAMOUS! God, do you think anything through?'_

Her laughing bounced off the ceiling of the train, the tight walls feeling as if they were closing in on him. Not caring what other people would think, he closed his unseen eyes and slapped his hands over his ears, before curling up in his seat and leaning his head against the window. Thank the heavens the train wasn't crowded, and he had the row to himself. The laughing only got louder as the seconds ticked by. This would be a long train ride.

Dougie clutched the note, not daring to look at it yet. Tom shook his head, saying, aggravated and upset, "Just read the bloody note!" Dougie tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he nervously read aloud:

"_Guys,_

_i don't really know where to start, and I'm not sure what to say. You know I've never been good with words. Even worse so now. I guess the best way to start is by stating the obvious. _

_I'm Gone._

_I'm not coming back, either. I'm too screwed up to continue here. The laughing, it's ripping me to pieces. And the voices, no matter how harsh they are, all they have said is true. Every word. _

_It's my fault. It's my fault she's dead. It's my fault you had to stop Mcfly, not to mention the fact you'll have to find another drummer. Hopefully one better than I could have ever been. It's my fault your lives had become horrible. I don't deserve all that you've been doing for me. None of it. YOU don't deserve this either. That's why I left._

_I'm weak, short and simple. I had survived too long on cutting. It was the only thing that could stop everything. The only thing that could take away the brutal, heartwrenching guilt and pain I've felt for two years. It'll never stop. It'll never lessen._

_I'd just like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Dougie for putting you through seeing me bloody and half-dead. I'm sorry to Tom for making you think it was your job to always have to pick up the pieces. When I had nearly killed myself, and when I had collapsed in the park. You had to find me both times, and that wasn't fair. I'm sorry to Danny for hurting you. You were trying to help, and I had thanked you by giving you a bloody nose. _

_There's no excuse for my actions. No forgive and forget. I need to deal with the fact I had hurt you all in different ways. I need to deal with carrying the guilt until the day I die, which, might not even be as far away as you'd think. I could snap at any second. I'm too fragile right now. _

_Your probably shocked to see I've admitted to being so. Me, Harry Judd, strong, independent, needs no one. That's not me anymore, though. I'm weak, dependent on a sharpened blade, and needs someone. Someone who is, because of me, dead. I've fallen to pieces, and have lost several of those same pieces in these agonizing two years without her. _

_Don't look for me. I'm begging you. This isn't your fight. It's mine. A fight I'm slowly losing. A fight against myself. I'm destined to be alone in this world. Please, just go on with your lives and stay out of my twisted, gory, pathetic one. Be happy with this, at least try to, for me. _

_Missing You Always,_

_Harry xx_"

**A/N: Done with yet another depressing chapter. I do have inspiration for this story though. Some of this is coming from deep in my heart, because, the horrible fact is, I'm somewhat in Tom, Danny, and Dougie's shoes. Well, Tom and Danny's mostly. My friend is cutting herself, and she doesn't want me to tell anyone. It makes me want to cry thinking about it. I want to tell someone, but at the same time I can't. She's afraid she'll get sent away, have to take medication, but I don't like seeing her the way she is. Anyways, that was my anonymos venting, getting some stuff off my chest. Review! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Needing the Pain Ch. 10**

**A/N: Hello there! I'm really really proud of this story so far. Nothing boosts your confidence more than a compliment from a complete stranger on a fanfiction website! At least you know they're not lying to make you feel better lol. Enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, but I think I'll borrow Harry :)**

The three musicians stared at the note, unable to comprehend it. Had Harry really just gotten up and left? Dougie's ears grew red, as a growl erupted from his throat. Tom and Danny couldn't have predicted what happened next.

Dougie dropped the note and grabbed the nearest thing, the drummer's alarm clock, and chucked it viciously at the wall, a loud crash vibrating through the air as it shattered to pieces. His fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

Danny asked, voice small in fear of what the bassist might do next, "Dougie? What's gotten into you?" His hands involuntarily moved to cover his nose, as if sheilding it from anymore harm. He'd have to remember not to do that the next time he saw Harry. _If _he saw Harry again.

Dougie glared daggers at the Northern, as he asked, a dangerous gleam lurking in his crystal blue eyes, "What's gotten into me? Are you that dense? My mentally sick best friend just ran away, and is on his own as we speak! Who knows what he might do? I don't know about you, but I do NOT want a repeat of the last time he was overwhelmed! I'd rather not relive those agonizing moments in the waiting room of the hospital, praying he was alright!"

Tom grabbed the younger man's shoulder, saying in his firm, 'Calm down or your getting smacked' tone, "Stop it! I know your upset, but there's no need to take it out on Dan! OR Haz's alarm clock!" Silence followed.

The bassist felt his legs give way as he collapsed onto the carpet. He broke down into tears, as Danny and Tom sat next to him and wrapped their arms around him and each other. The crying bassist sobbed, "He's not in the condition of being alone! What if something's already happened?" Tom shushed him, as he whispered, "Dougs, you need to have faith in him. I don't think he was intending on killing himself. The first time was a freak accident, he was always just intending on cutting deep enough to distract himself from the pain of Jane's death. You know that." Danny cut in, "Yeah, we'll find him, and then we'll knock some sense into him and make sure he never leaves again!" Tom hugged Dougie tighter. "We'll find him. I promise you, we'll find him.

Harry got off the train with a sigh, looking around. He had was now walking distance from a quaint little village, where his parents had a cottage, surrounded by a forest, where he could be alone.

Once he had walked through the village, and arrived at the forest, he broke into a run, eager to get to the kitchen of the small home, knowing their were knives in one of the drawers.

_'Running away from your problems, it's just pathetic. You can't hide here forever. They'll find you, if their looking. The only reason they'd be searching is because your mentally ill. Your a danger to everyone around you. Mark my words - '_

Harry cried out as he slit his wrist, a line of blood, pure and red, streaming down his arm before settling at the dip of his elbow, pouring like small waterfalls down the sides.

He grinned madly as the laughing and voices fell silent. There was this gleam in his eye, as he cut his wrist again, not bothering to clean the blood. He absorbed the feeling, the smell of the metallic red liquid, the buzz entering his head. It was paradise, and he needed to do it again. And again.

Dougie, Danny, and Tom were gathered in the kitchen of their house, cans of soda clutched in each hand. Tom asked, gulping, "So, did you find anything that might help? Anyone who might've seen him?" The can in Dougie's hand bent, the aluminum molding against his fingers as he squeezed it. He was looking down, his fringe covering his eyes. He was angry. Very, very angry.

They had been looking for Harry since the morning, searching all over London, making sure he wasn't there before they would look outside the city.

Danny sighed, shaking his head. "He's not here. When he said he was gone, he really meant gone. He could be in Scotland for all we know."

Dougie squeezed harder on the can, the contents spilling out the sides, puddling on the counter. Tom gripped the bassist's arm, saying, "Dougs, calm down, please. I know your upset, I know your worried, but taking it out on inanimate objects isn't the way to go."

Dougie narrowed his eyes, looking up as he said dangerously low, "I don't care how far we need to go, how many days we need to search at a time, or how much money it'll cost. We're bringing him back here, and then I'm going to lecture him for the next month or so. He won't ever leave again."

The two guitarists looked at each other, eyebrows raised. Dougie was serious, dead serious. They weren't sure what he'd do when they found Harry, but they were sure it would include shouting, tears, and unnecessary pain. Everything always did nowadays.

**A/N: Okay, so I'm done again! This story is getting harder to write, but I don't like spending several days on chapters. I know I hate when a story I like isn't updated in several days, so, I'm going to try to write a new chapter every day, or every other day. It all depends if I'm in the mood to write it. I'd hate to post a crappy chapter. Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Needing the Pain Ch. 11**

**A/N: I bring you another chapter. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I wasn't home that long, and when I was, I was watching american idol, (yup, I'm american, so sorry if my british talk is horrible. I'm sort of guessing when I type.) so, yeah, but tomorrow the weekend starts, and I should have more time, but I'm going out Saturday, so, yeah I'm not making sense so I'm going to stop now. Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, but I'm sure you figured that out by now. **

Harry leaned against the wall in the small kitchen, clutching a knife in one hand, blood dotted along the sharp edge as he stared at the fresh cuts on his arm. He sighed, lip quivering.

He hand't heard the voices or the laughing in days, and it was a fantastic feeling; the silence all around him. However, the loneliness that filled up where the voices had been was _not_ a fantastic feeling.

He missed his friends. He wanted so bad to go home and let them hold him, to say everything would be okay, even though he was positive it wouldn't. He didn't like being alone. But he deserved to be. He couldn't tear their lives to shreds anymore. He couldn't stand not having the freedom of being able to slice up his arms, to take away the pain. He needed it, and he wasn't able to with them.

He looked through his food cabinet, finding nothing. He cringed at the thought of spending too much time in the village. What if someone recognized him? He didn't want to take the chance, but he didn't really want to starve either. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before grabbing his cap and sunglasses, and walking out the door.

He walked into the small shop, near the forest, and pushed open the door, the small silver bell's high-pitched ringing slicing through the air. It hurt his ears.

"Sorry about the bell, I had gotten it made so I would know when a customer came in, but it's too high and loud."

He turned towards the direction the voice came from and gulped. A girl, looking to be in her early twenties was leaning against the wood counter, at least two inches shorter than him. She was wearing a white, knee-length broomstick skirt, with brown coyboy boots and a brown top, hugging her petite middle in just the right way. Her dirty blonde hair was half up, a few stray strands flying in front of her glossy hazel eyes.

Great, she would expect him to answer now. He quietly spoke, "Um, it's fine, I just wanted to pick up some food and leave." She raised an eyebrow. "You passing through or did you move into one of the cottages?"

He pulled lightly at his collar. You could almost feel the awkwardness he was giving off.

"Um, I, um, my parents have a cottage they're not using, and I'm just living there for the time being." She nodded, her eyes smiling. "That's cool. I'm Fadia, but you can call me Faye." He chewed at his lip, before saying nervously, "I'm, Harry, or Haz." She nodded, sticking out her hand. He slowly met it, the sleeving of his shirt pulled back slightly, revealing three or four scars. His hand tingled from her touch, his scars burning slightly, though he couldn't help liking it. She glanced at them, eyebrow raising, as he pulled his hand away, stretching his sleeve down. She asked, curious, "So, what's with the sunglasses and cap?" He swallowed. "No reason." Before he could do anything, she pulled the sunglasses gently away and nodded. "Ah, I see. Your that drummer. Don't worry. You don't have to be so low key in this place. It's practically deserted and a lot of the shop owners are old and don't have a clue of what Mcfly is." He nodded, relieved by the fact.

She smiled brightly, two round dimples appearing on her face. His breath was caught in his throat. _Tom_. Oh, how he missed Tom. He shook his head slightly, trying to get his one-dimpled friend's face out of his head. He couldn't think about that now.

He threw different food items into the weaved basket, wanting to get out of the store, yet, he couldn't get Faye's smiling face out of his mind. She was beautiful, and seemed nice. But she was just running the store. He couldn't get close to anyone. He refused to cause anymore pain. Just by stepping into her life, he would ruin it. Why was he even thinking about it?

He set the basket on the counter, as she totaled the amount, the cash register almost jumping off the counter when the drawer popped open. He handed her the money, and she smiled. "So, Harry, you should come by the store again. I'd love to get to know you better, maybe show you around the village." He tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he said, "Um, I don't know. I don't want to bother you or anything. I tend to do that." He mentally slapped himself after the words came out. He could be so stupid at times when he _shouldn't_ be.

She smiled softly, as she handed him his receipt, their hands brushing. He felt a jolt of electricity shoot up his spine from the breif contact. His hand trembled slightly as he slowly took it out of her hand, reluctant to pull away. What was wrong with him? Well, besides the usual stuff.

She rubbed her hand, and he swore he saw a tinge of pink on her round cheeks. She called, "Bye Harry." As he practically fleed from the store. Somehow, he knew he'd be going back.

**A/N: So, this chapter didn't have any of the other guys in it, but once I got the idea in my head, I wanted it to be strictly Harry in the little food store with the pretty girl. I have a feeling of what direction this story's going to go, well, in a general sense. I have no idea exactly what'll happen. I just go along with what my fingers type. *looks at fingers thoughtfully* It's like they have a mind of their own. Oh well! Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Needing the Pain Ch. 12**

**A/N: Hello! I am back from my friends house, (her house and yard is really cool :D) and finished pounding on my keyboard (3 piano! :D) so I decided that I would update with another chapter. Now, I'm going to probably go away from the other boys for a few chapters and focus on Fadia and Harry, since I have a feeling she's going to become important in the story, so, the focus is not on the others at the moment. Just know that they are searching for him. Anyway, enjoy :D  
Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly, but you know that.**

The bell rang loudly as Harry walked into the small shop. He looked down nervously, as he scanned for the beverage section. "Harry, is that you?" He looked up, then down slightly, as he took in her appearance.

As always, she looked effortlessly stunning, though her wardrobe was fairly laid back. This time, she had pulled on a brown knee length broomstick skirt, same brown boots, and a white tanktop, a shortsleeved tan knit sweater overtop. She had her hair lightly pushed out of her face by a light blue bandana, tied under her hair at the nape of her neck.

Not able to help himself, he smiled, though it, as always, didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, Hi Faye. I just wanted to pick up something to drink. I hadn't even thought about it the last time." Actually, he did have some bottles of water in the fridge in his cottage, but he wanted an excuse to talk to her.

She gave him a bright smile, her dimples sending a pang of recognition once again at the thought of his friends. He hoped that would fade. He'd hate to think about Tom, which lead to thinking about all three of them, which lead to him running for his kitchen, evertime she smiled.

"That's fine. I'm glad you came. There's not many, um, younger people, here, I guess you could say? I mean, you've got mothers and children, but not many of them are around my age, and the ones that are don't talk to me, really." He raised an eyebrow. "Why?" She shrugged, as she toyed with a loose thread on her unbuttoned sweater. "I don't know. I guess they think I'm kind of weird. I mean, they want to stay here and farm for the rest of their lives, while I'd rather play my guitar and dream about doing something bigger with my life. I don't want to be stuck here forever. Which, is why, I'm confused as to why you'd leave your glorious rock star life for, well, _this_."

He tried desperately to swallow the lump in his throat, as tears threatened. He couldn't tell her. He wouldn't. She would tell someone where he was, and then the voices and the laughing would come back. He couldn't let that happen.

"I, um, I just, is that a new bracelet?" _Wow, nice save._ he thought to himself. She glanced at her beaded bracelet and shook her head. "Um, actually, I've had this for a while." She could tell he was hiding something, but knew better than to push. She didn't know him, this was only the second time they'd talked.

"So, if you could maybe point me in the direction of the drinks I'd be glad to get out of your hair." _**NOT!**_ She looked a little disappointed, but lead him to the area that held everything.

Once he had picked up the jug of water, he turned, bumping it into the shelf in front of him. It shook slightly, and his eyes widened as a jar of blueberry jam decended to the floor, the air whistling quietly around it until the glass braced for impact.

Fadia sprinted to the aisle, her eyebrows raised in an amused mannor at the sight of Harry, blushing madly, lips pressed tightly together as he gazed at the shatter jar, blueberry jam forming a puddle on the floor.

"Um, I think a jar fell?" He tried, laughing quietly at how lame he sounded. Was a girl really all it took to make him like this?

She shook her head, her laughter sounding like a song, warm and melodic, wanting to let the world hear it, loud and clear. It made his heart flutter.

They were standing outside of the shop, the moon shining down on them. Their eyes locked, and it was like time had stopped. Like everything disappeared. They were leaning in, so close that their noses were touching. He flinched in realization, as he pulled back, eyes wide. _No_. He couldn't do this. He couldn't get involved with her. He'd only be dragging her down, eliminating all the joy she was filled with. He refused to let this happen.

"It's getting late. I-I'll see you sometime." He whispered, voice thick with regret and want, things he tried so desperately to push down. "Y-yeah, okay." She said, eyes shining with hurt and confusion. He opened his mouth to say something, before closing it, shaking his head as he walked off, eager to forget this horrible feeling that threatened to break down the walls he had built around him, unable to let himself get close to anyone ever again. Why should he, who caused the death of his sister, and the pain and worry of his friends, have a relationship? The answer was simple. He shouldn't, and he never would. He needed to die alone, needed to _be_ alone. It was the least he could do to come remotely close to paying for his sister's unfair death.

She stared after him, tears stinging her eyes. Why did he pull away? Something told her it wasn't personal. She saw the look in his eyes. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him in that moment. Wanted to feel her lips on his. Wanted to hold her as much as she wanted to be held. He needed someone to help him with whatever he was going through, and she knew she would be just the person to do it.

**A/N: So, I hope you like this chapter. I just felt like this story needed to go somewhere, break out of the usual fights and tears between the boys and mix a little romance into it. I felt it needed something else. And that something else turned into Fadia! :D Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Needing the Pain Ch. 13**

**A/N: I bring you yet another chapter, which is still featuring my OC, Fadia. Honestly, I wasn't even planning on writing romance in here, but, again, the story needed something so it would have more directions to go in. I mean, before, I wasn't sure how I was going to end this, which, by the looks of it, won't even happen for a while. So, anyway, I hope you like her so far, and I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I've had writer's block, and I wasn't sure what to write for the chapter, so Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Mcfly, you know that. **

Harry sat in the small bedroom inside the cottage, knife clutched in hand. He hadn't even bothered closing the bedroom door, knowing fully well, to his complete relief, that he was finally in a place where he didn't have to hide his guilty pleasure. He didn't have to hide the cuts here, he'd only have to when he decided to go out.

A knock sounded from the door, and he groaned loudly, placing the knife in the nightstand drawer and slipping on a black hoodie, stretching the sleeves over his hands as he crossed his arms, making his way to the small front door.

Just outside stood Fadia, taking a U-turn with her choice of dress, now wearing a pair of darkwash skinny jeans, brown flipflops, and a band T-shirt. It was a great contrast to her usual look, even her hair done differently, tied in a french braid, the tip settling in between her shoulder blades.

"Um, h-hi Faye. What's up? How'd you even know I lived here?" She shrugged, soft pink lips mesmorizing him as always as she said, "I saw you walking into the woods two days ago after you, um, left the shop, and I figured that it's not particularly healthy to stay cooped up in your little vacation home for days on end. So, I thought maybe we could walk around town, and I can show you all the wonderous places there are here!" He noticed a hint of sarcasm in her voice as she said the last part. He shrugged uncomfortably. He wasn't sure why she was being so nice to him. After all, he'd blown off a kiss with her. He saw the obvious hurt that lurked behind her beautiful pools of hazel that made up her eyes.

"I don't know..." He trailed off, as if terrified to step any further than the door frame. She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. "It's not going to hurt to get out there for more than ten minutes, you know. Come on. I'll give you time to get changed if you want, or you can just go as is. I could honestly care less if you were in a tshirt and boxers." She raised a joking eyebrow, though something else hid behind her brown eye shadow.

He stepped outside, now dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, converse, a white tshirt and same black hoodie, hands stuffed in his pockets, the fabric of his hoodie engulfing them in warmth.

She grinned showing a pair of white teeth, as well as a pair of dimples. He pushed his friend's face forcefully out of his head as he followed her out of the woods.

"What is this? It's amazing!" Harry exclaimed, mesmorized by the baked something-or-other in his hand as he took another mouthful. Fadia smirked, before saying, "Baked Cabbage drowned in syrup and caramel." He spit out the piece he was eating, looking at her with his eyes wide. "What?" She nodded, as a stifled giggle left her lips.

He shrugged, taking another bite, before saying, "I don't understand how something so very gross could taste so good!" This made Fadia laugh harder, the look on his face priceless.

It made her smile, to see him like this, as if he was actually enjoying himself. She knew better, though. He was in pain, even as he joked and tried to put up the facade of a calm, normal young guy without a care in the world, when really, it was a mask. She didn't know why, but she felt as if she could see right through it, since the day they met. The first time their hands brushed, the way it burned and the way she felt her face heat up. How she couldn't help but feel disappointed the first time he left the shop. The way her stomach did backflips at his very presence. She knew what it was. No matter how cheesy and cliche it sounded, it was love at first sight.

After they had gone to every shop there, she decided now was a good time to show him.

She grabbed his hand, and whispered, "I want to show you something. Something secret." He looked at her confused, but followed along none the less.

He gaped at the scene, the utter beauty consuming him and filling him with such warmth, he wasn't sure if it was real or not.

It was beyond the woods, a secret trail that looked almost invisible if you weren't looking for it. It was a tall hill, the plush grass soft and moist under his now bare feet. The sky stretched out far to the horizon, the dimly orange sun now setting in the distance. The sky had become a mixture of light pinks and reds, and he shuddered at remembering his nightmare.

She grabbed his hand again, leading him to the middle, pulling him down with her as she lied down. He admired the lowering sun, as he felt the butterflies rapidly banging against the inside of his stomach as she cuddled up to him. He pulled her closer, ravishing in her soft, smooth skin. He played with a strand of her hair, when she looked up, their eyes locking.

She was bringing her head closer to his, and just as he was about to flinch away, she tangled her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, as she whispered, "Not this time, Haz." The next second, her lips were on his.

Their lips moved in sync, as fireworks went off in both their heads. He'd never felt this before, the pure, amazing, _bliss_. For once, all thoughts, all guilt disappeared, in fact, _everything_ did. He forgot completely about Jane, about the guys, about his need to cut. The shivers slithered like snakes up and down his spine as the kiss deepened.

They pulled away and just stared at each other, eyes clouded as they tried to completely register what had happened. He brushed hair out of her face and whispered, "Did you feel what I felt?" She laughed quietly, pulling him close again as she asked, "What do you think?" Another kiss beginning, both wishing it would never end.

**A/N: Done! So, There you have it, the official start of Fadia and Harry's relationship! Yay! Again, I'm so sorry about not updating. I was working on this big group United Nations project for school all week. I still have to finish my individual paper, too, so, hope this ties you over until I write again! Review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Needing the Pain ch. 14**

**A/N: Okay, so I finally am done with my UN project and paper, so I can get back to writing :D. That makes me happy. So, I'm hoping you like the whole Harry/Fadia thingy going on, cause I do :). So, anyways, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way know or own Mcfly**

Harry woke up the next morning, the night before a blur. Her face entered his mental sight and for the first time in two years, he smiled truthfully, and it nearly reached his eyes. Until he heard it.

_'My, my. Haven't talked to you in a while. Your little cutting spree blocked my access. What a wimp you are, can't handle the truth. You forgot to though, last night when you came home, didn't you? Because you were out with what's her name? Fadia? Is that it? You finally gathered what little courage you had and kissed her. Bad choice, you twat. She doesn't know what you do. She doesn't know you keep a knife handy in your nightstand drawer. She doesn't know you cut at least three times a day, if not more. She'll leave you soon enough, though. If she doesn't, then I'm sure you'll find a way to accidentally kill her, whether it's only on the inside or she's buried in a casket. You do that to all the people you love.'_

Her laughter boomed louder than ever, and his eyes widened, as he let out a wail. "NO! You can't be back! I can't deal with you anymore!"

He frantically tore himself from the bed, pulling the drawer forcefully open as he jabbed the shining, beautiful metal into his wrist, ready to engrave another painful, red, masterpiece into his already overly scarred skin.

Tears were cascading down his cheeks, as the voices faded, but not before it whispered harshly, _'You'll never get rid of me. I'm forever etched into your brain. I'll always be here to tell you that you are a monster, who can't do anything but hurt those around him.'_

He threw the knife at the lamp, the bulb bursting and sending out sparks. One of the sparks had burned him, but he had hardly noticed. He was breathing heavily, afraid to move, before he slowly sunk to the floor.

It had been so long since he had heard them, and the complete shock of it had almost sent him to the point of going into a seizure.

He heard a knock on the door, and pulled on his hoodie mindlessly, as he dragged his feet to the door.

There stood his beautiful Fadia, shining in all her perfection in pink flipflops, denim capris and a white top, her hair thrown back carelessly in a pony tail.

Her grin soon faded, in its place a concerned frown as she carefully looked into his vacant blue eyes.

"Harry? Are you alright?" She asked, knowing quite well he was certainly not. He shrugged, snapping out of his trance as he cautiously pulled her close to him, recieving a short kiss on the lips.

"Hey, Faye. I-I'm fine, really. Just woke up is all. So, did you want to go somewhere or something?" She raised a questioning eyebrow, but let it drop. For now. She was determined to somehow get him to open up to her. She was 100% positive he was hiding some pretty hefty secrets, and she needed to know what they were. She couldn't help him blindly.

They layed together on the top of the hill, side by side, when Fadia said it. "When are you going to tell me why your in pain all the time?" Those words were enough to have his blood run cold, freezing every vein in his body. "What?" was all he'd managed to say, considering his jaw was now too stiff to form actual sentences.

She turned her head, looking at him with a familiar gleam in her eyes. Determination. She wasn't going to rest till she knew, and that scared him. He sat up, and stared out into the horizon, still blue as ever, the awaiting sunset hours away still.

"I'm fine, Fadia. I'm not in pain all the time." He tried his best to sound convincing, though he failed miserably, his voice wavering. She sat up as well, placing her hand under his chin as she whispered, "You need to tell me, Haz. I want to help you. I can tell that you most definitely _are_ in pain all the time. I noticed it the minute you walked into my grandmother's shop the first time. I have a feeling it's why you ran away." He tensed. "How do you know I ran away?" He would have expected her to roll her eyes, but they only softened some. "Well, for one, I was on the internet the other night -yes, we have internet here- and found an article, on one of those celebrity news websites, saying your 'missing'. They're really worried about you, you know. It said Tom tweeted, 'I know you all must have heard that Harry's gone, but we're trying our best to find him. He's going through some stuff and just needs some time alone, so try not to worry too much. We'll bring him home one way or the other.' or something along those lines. I'm sure i got a few words jumbled up in there." He gulped, averting his gaze. "I don't have a problem. They weren't letting me do what I wanted, so I left." It took everything he had not to fall apart right there. He didn't have a problem. He'd been telling himself that for a long time. He had just found a way to relieve himself of his immense guilt and grief.

Fadia shook her head, and asked, suddenly suspicious, "Why do you always wear longsleeves?" His body went rigid. She was catching on.

He found himself unable to speak. She then moved so fast he hadn't realized until it was too late. She shoved up his sweatshirt sleeve, eyes widening as she caught sight of the scars that covered 75% of his arm. He stopped breathing, as he pulled his arm away.

She asked the question, needing confirmation, "H-Harry? D-Do you c-cut yourself?"

He blinked a few times, unsure how to answer. His bottom lip trembled, and soon, he couldn't keep the tears in any longer. He finally, and completely, fell apart, into a broken mess twice as horrible as Tom, Dougie, and Danny had seen.

She pulled him close to her, laying them both down as he pressed against her, curling into a ball as she comforted him.

Her heart wasn't just broken right then, it was completely shattered. Not many people had had the chance to see Harry cry, the only ones being his mum and dad, band mates, and now, finally her. She thought then, that those who hadn't were lucky. His tears were like diamonds, glistening against the gradually dimming sun. She hadn't realized that she had been holding him for almost two hours now. His face was red and tear-stained, his entire body wracking with sobs. She rubbed his back in a circular motion, placing soft kisses on his forehead and in his hair, trying to calm him down a bit. She wouldn't tell him to stop though. He needed to get this out. He'd been holding in the tears for too long, she could see that.

She whispered comfortingly to him, "It's alright, Haz, I'm here. I'm holding onto you and I'm never letting go. You can count on it."

**A/N: So, I spent about, like, three days on this chapter, becuase I would lose inspiration all of a sudden, and then get it back the next day, so I hope you liked it! And, I'm REALLY sorry for not updating in DAYS! I feel really bad about that, and hope you can forgive me. So, anyways, Review and tell me what you think please! It'd be much appreciated.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Needing the Pain Ch. 15**

**A/N: I bring you yet another chapter of this story! So, it's the morning and I'm too tired to put anything else in this note, so, um, Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly**

Harry had finally stopped crying. Fadia wasn't sure if it was because he was embarrassed for it, or if he had just run out of tears, but he had stopped.

She sat up, patting the empty spot next to her, mentally telling him to sit up as well. He slowly did, the heels of his hands dug into his eyes as he tried to wipe away the wetness.

She sighed, "Why do you cut yourself? From interviews and such, you seemed so happy." He shook his head, whispering, "I'm not happy, though! I haven't been for two years!" She raised an eyebrow. "What happened two years ago?" Harry winced, and shakily said, "I was with the band for about five years then, and I hardly ever got to see my little sister, so I asked her to come last minute. Sh-She told me that she was tired, but I had insisted. She never came. We got the phone call she was in the hospital, and when we got there, we found out a towtruck collided into the side of her mini! She was dead!" Fresh tears sprung in his eyes, as he tried to desperately wipe them away. He was tired of crying. He was tired of coming across weak.

Fadia had tears in her own eyes now, as she pulled him into a tight hug. She wiped them away, as she let Harry burry his face in her small shoulder. She closed her tear stricken eyes, heart broken at the devestatingly tragic story she had just heard.

She pulled away, taking her petite hand and wiping away tears that looked as if they were racing one another down his cheeks.

"Harry, it wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault. Car accidents are not deliberate. They're _accidents_, just as they're called. Please, don't blame yourself for something you did not do." He shook his head, refusing to believe what he thought was a lie. "It is my fault! The voices say so!" He knew he probably shouldn't have said that, but he couldn't stop now. The words continued to fall from his mouth. "They say I'm pathetic, and that I killed her! They say that I should just kill myself so I don't hurt anyone else! They say everyone hates me!" Her eyes grew wider and wider as he went on. "I almost did! I was in the hospital because I had cut too deep! See?" He forcefully pushed up his other sleeve, revealing the gigantic scar, nowhere near fading. She couldn't suppress her gasp.

She knew that she needed to stop him soon, because he was beginning to hyperventilate, and his face was growing red. But he went on, his voice getting louder and rising several octaves. "And her laugh! I hear it everywhere! It won't leave me alone! It's haunting me, and tearing me to pieces! Cutting is the only relief! It's the only way for me to get rid of everything! I don't like doing it! I wish I didn't need to, but I can't stop! If I do, then the voices and her laugh will come back!"

He was tearing at his hair now, gasping for breath. She placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look into her eyes. What she saw was absolutely heartbreaking.

His eyes, they were a brilliant blue, shining with tears that refused to be put to rest. What layed deep in those eyes was pain. Immense, ground breaking pain that made her doubt that it was possible to get rid of it all. She saw guilt, confusion, and hatred. Hatred she knew was directed towards himself. They also looked lost. Like he wasn't sure what he was to do anymore. Like he didn't know what was worth living for. _She was_. She needed him to know that. She needed him to know that she wouldn't leave him. Not for anything.

"Harry, please, your killing yourself just by putting all this weight on your shoulders. It's just not the healthy way to handle this. I promise to help you get through it. I _want_ to help you get through this. And those voices, well, those voices can piss off because they are feeding you lies and taunting you and you don't deserve that. Your sister does not hate you, alright? She doesn't think it's your fault and she is so proud of you, I'm sure. You've accomplished so much in the past seven years. Your an amazing drummer, your smart, you have girls falling all over you, you have friends who just want to help because they hate seeing you the way you are. So, please, let me, let them help you. Please."

She couldn't stop the tears from falling silently. She was scared. She was so, so scared. She was afraid he was going to pick up that knife when he get home and would cut till all his blood was drained away. She couldn't lose him. He really was losing this inner battle. He was on the brink of insanity; she could tell. But she wouldn't let him lose his mind. She would do everything in her power to make sure that he never had to scar himself again.

It was dark now. So dark that the only thing they could see was the light reflecting off each other's eyes and the outlines of their features.

He brushed hair out of her face, and whispered, "Don't leave me. Ever. I don't know if I could cope with losing another person I love." She smiled softly. "I wouldn't even think of it. I don't think I could cope either. I feel as if I'd known you my whole life. It's like we were meant to find each other." He bit his lip. "It was fate." She smiled a little wider, then, before sitting up.

"Harry, you need to call them." He sat up abruptly. "No. I am not doing any such thing. They can live without me!" She shook her head vigorously. "Harry, you haven't seen the news headlines on the internet. They've been searching nonstop. Tom's been tweeting, saying that they miss you and want you to come home. You can't hide here with me forever." His lip trembled. "I'd never see you again." She offered a half-smile. "Harry, I've wanted to move out of this dump since I was ten. I think I can sacrifice the move for you." He gulped. "I don't think I can face them." She hugged him tightly. "Yes you can. I'm not going to let you hide out here anymore. You obviously miss them like crazy. I bet my dimples even remind you of Tom." He looked at her with big eyes. "Do you have some kind of mind-reading powers?" She laughed quietly, knowing that right now might not be the best time for laughter. "No, I just remember seeing you cringe slightly every time I smiled. You don't do it anymore, but, I still remember." He blushed madly.

She whispered, "We're calling them tomorrow, Haz. No if, ands, or buts. Your going to be reunited with your best friends." He tried desperately to swallow the lump in his throat and nodded slowly. It was time to be strong.

**A/N: Yay! The boys are getting back together! Why does that sound so cheesy to me? Ugh, anyways, I thought it was time for things to start getting better for Harry. So, Reviews would be much appreciated! :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**Needing the Pain ch. 16**

**A/N: Hello all, I bring another chapter of my depressing story, though, it should start to get better soon. Anyways, I'd just like to say to loststolenandfound that you are amazing, and that was really nice of you to dedicate a chapter to me, it made me smile :). And you have reviewed pretty much every single chapter and are the reason that I even wrote this story, so thank you loads :). Anyways, I hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way know or own Mcfly :(**

Harry gulped, as he stared at the phone, terror clear on his face. He didn't want to do this. He was fine with just hiding here for the rest of his life with Fadia.

Fadia sighed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she squeezed his shoulder. "Haz, it's alright. All you have to do is dial the number and talk to them. You don't know how relieved they'll be. I'll be here the whole time."

He nodded slowly, they're eyes locking. That seemed to give him strength. He slowly dialed their home phone, attempting to swallow the lump that was cutting off his air supply as he placed it lightly against his ear.

The lives of Tom, Dougie, and Danny were falling apart.

Tom took out his fear and worry by tweeting, recieving comforting words from equally worried fans.

Danny wouldn't let go of the note, blaming himself for Harry's leaving, as he sat in the drummer's room. Why did he have to be so _stupid_! He knew better than to push Harry by saying her name.

Dougie... well... Dougie had been distancing himself greatly. He never smiled, never spoke to the other two, never even sat down for too long. He was always out searching for hours on end. Danny and Tom weren't exactly sure where the bassist went to look, but they knew that they wouldn't recieve a response if they asked.

The ringing of the home phone startled Tom, and for a moment, he hesitated on answering. So many people had said they'd seen Harry, though they had all been sick jokes to mess with them. They didn't appreciate it. Dougie had even beaten one guy so badly he'd ended up in the hospital.

He sighed, before getting up slowly and picking up the phone. He pressed the talk button and asked weakly, hopefully, "Hello?" For several seconds no answer came. He was about to hang up when he heard him. Heard the voice he had missed so badly and worried he'd never hear again. "Um, H-hi Tom." The blonde nearly dropped the phone.

"Harry? Is that you?" His brown eyes lit up in a way that they never did before when he heard the word, "Yeah." He tightened his grip as he nearly shouted, "Haz! Where in god's name are you? We've been worried to point of not sleeping!" He knew Harry had gulped. "Um, I-I'm so sorry for running away like that, I just needed time on my own I guess. I took the train to a village about thirty-five miles outside London. You remember the cottage I told you about? That my parents had bought a while back?" Tom nodded vigorously, as he said, "Of course! We'll be right there!" He heard Harry swallow again. "Um yeah, alright. I have someone for you to meet, too." Tom raised an eyebrow, but grinned none the less. After reluctantly hanging up, he ran upstairs to tell Danny, then to text Dougie.

Dougie came bursting through the front door, eyes wide as he shouted, "YOU TALKED TO HARRY?" Tom nodded, and that's when the bassist noticed the over-night bags slung over their shoulders. Another one, bright red, sat on the coffee table.

Dougie said nothing, but eagerly grabbed it in one swooping movement, before sprinting out the door again, Danny and Tom almost tripping over each other as they followed.

The train ride didn't exactly start off the way they'd have liked it to, though they weren't exactly surprised.

They were mobbed by the poparazzi the minute they reached the station. Several questions were shouted at them:

"Is it true the band is breaking up?"

"Are you in the process of finding a new drummer?"

"Is it true Harry ran away to the states?"

"Did Harry -"

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP? WE CAN'T RIDE A BLOODY TRAIN WITHOUT YOU ALL ASKING RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS AND FLASHING YOUR STUPID CAMERAS TO GET A BLURRY PHOTO? YOU ALL NEED TO EITHER JUMP OFF A CLIFF OR GET A LIFE!"

Everyone fell into a shocked silence by the end of Dougie's rant. The bassist had his fists clenched, knuckles turning white with a murdurous look in his eyes. Tom was blushing as he grabbed Dougie's arm and pulled him onto the train, Danny pushing from behind to keep the bassist from turning around and putting every reporter there in the hospital, and ending them up on the cover of every magazine, where he's sure Doug's little speech will be plastered.

Danny watched the moving scenery as the train climbed down the track, the thin glass of the window the only thing separating him from the outside world.

Dougie was sat next to him, pulling at the fabric of his jeans, clenching his teeth in anticipation. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd do when he saw Harry. He knew the first thing he'd do would be running at him at full speed and engulfing him in the biggest bone-crushing hug he could. He'd probably yell at him after that, maybe even burst into tears. All he knew was that it would probably end up an argument.

Tom pulled out his phone, sat in the seat behind them, as he tweeted, (He'd been doing it a lot lately) _'I'm rather happy to deliver some relieving news. Harry called me and the guys at around noon, and we plan to bring him home either today or tomorrow. I'd just like to thank you guys for all that you've been doing; sending us gifts and messages and giving us your full support. It means the world to us, and it's helped us through this tough time. I'm not sure exactly when Mcfly will start touring and such again, but hopefully it will happen in a few months from now.' _

An emormous weight had been lifted off their shoulders with that one phone call. That one phone call that let them know he was alright. They'd finally be able to see him in the flesh again; hug him and talk to him again. One thing ran through their minds as the train moved along:

_'He's never stepping foot out of the house again.'_

**A/N: Okay, so, I'm not TOO thrilled with this chapter. I think the ending was crappy but it's nearly 11 PM and I'm tired, so, I'm not at my best at the moment. I wanted to update though, because I feel like I owe it to you for making you wait so dang long for a freaking update! So, anyways, review! :D**


	17. Chapter 17

**Needing the Pain Ch. 17**

**A/N: Hi! Okay, so, I'm sorry for not updating earlier, but, I have a problem with finding inspiration sometimes, and I need to be in the mood to write, or what I end up writing will be kind of horrible, (And I'm sure you don't want a horrible chapter) so, anyways, um, enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly**

It's funny how eagerness can outshine everything else. How you can feel so powerful and ready to knock down a tree with your bare hands until realization and shock sinks in and everything catches up to you. Then your frozen to your spot.

That's how Dougie was at this very moment. He was staring at the trail to the cottage as everything caught up to him and pretty much smacked him right in the face. He had felt so ready to do this at the station and on the train. He'd ran their reunion in his head a thousand times in a thousand different ways, and was positive he could do this.

He wasn't so sure now.

Tom looked at him worriedly, and asked, "What's wrong, Doug?" The bassist gulped, eyes wide, as he whispered, "I-I don't know if I can do this." Danny threw his hands up in the air as he looked at him incredulously. "What do you mean, _you don't know if you can do this? _Your the one that was out searching days on end! Your the one that was screaming at us before about how we needed to find him and all that crap! Your the one that had stopped talking to us all together and now you don't think you can _do_ _this_?" Tom shot him a look that told him to shut up, so he crossed his arms, eyes flaming.

Dougie blinked at the guitarist, slightly taken aback by his speech. He said shakily, "I'm scared." It was quite unexpected to hear that, considering Tom and Danny thought he would have been the one sprinting down the trail to the cottage. Dougie hugged himself as he sucked in his breath. Tom put an arm around him and said, "We're all scared, Dougs. But you need to suck it up and do this for Harry. Remember? He's right down that trail and waiting for us. You don't want to stop when he's this close." That seemed to give the younger blonde strength, and he nodded, familiar determination shining through yet again. As the other two began hurrying down the path, he caught up, his eagerness returning after his momentary shock.

A loud knock shook the door of the cottage, and a few muffled calls seeped through the cracks in the wood. Harry's eyes were wide as he gripped tighter onto Fadia's forearm. She was his only protection at the moment. She looked up at him, her big, beautiful eyes full of encouragement. He tried desperately to push down his nervousness as he slowly made his way to the slab of wood that was separating him from the other boys.

He slowly turned the knob, sucking in his breath sharply as he felt it pulled forcefully open from the outside.

For a few moments, they just stared at each other; three pairs of eyes all fixed on the shining blue pair opposite of them.

Dougie was the first one to break the silent staredown, as he whispered, "Harry..." and with that, he flung himself at the drummer, hugging him tightly, intending on never letting go.

Tom and Danny soon followed, wrapping their arms around him. They were all crying then, sobs escaping their lips as they clung tighter to each other.

Fadia let a small smile form on her lips as she gazed at the four. It was truly one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.

Once the three had, rather reluctantly, let go, he led them inside the cottage, and into the living room. The boys had yet to notice the blond girl that was leaning against the door frame that led into the room.

Dougie took a few breaths, before shouting, "What is bloody wrong with you that you would even for a second think of leaving us like that?" Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He tried to speak but found himself unable to. It was like his vocal chords had been frozen stiff. Dougie growled, "Answer me!" Tom placed a hand on the bassist's shoulder, and sighed. "Harry, please, speak to us. I'm getting really tired of this whole ordeal of you not letting us in. Running away was not an option and yet you thought it was the right thing to do. I know you are going through a horrible time, but, I think it's time we really tried talking this out." Harry opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh, sorry for scaring you to death but you wouldn't let me hurt myself'? No, that probably wouldn't go over well.

Dougie's face was growing red as he tried to calm down. He was riding an emotional rollercoaster and he didn't know how to control it. One minute he was horrifyingly sad, then he was angry, then violent, then he cut himself off from Tom and Danny completely. Just today he had lost control and shouted at the press, than he was anxious, then he was scared senseless and afraid to go further, and now he was just getting close to furious. He just wanted it to be over with. He wanted to shout at Harry, tell him how much he had hurt him when he left, but knew deep inside that Harry was suffering enough. That was when he would feel ashamed. Ashamed at being angry at Harry, who had every right to be upset and struggling. He had lost his sister, and was hearing voices, and her _laugh_. He felt ashamed because he knew that the drummer never had the intention of hurting him in any way.

Danny, who had stayed quiet the entire time, ran a hand through his hair, eyes red from crying. "We're trying to help you, and you left. Without a trace. All you left was a ripped picture and a note that made me feel even worse than I thought I could ever feel. Why won't you let us help, Haz?"

"I think you guys should try a different tactic, instead of the whole guilt-trip, don't you think?"

The three musicians' heads snapped up, and to say that they were surprised to see a girl standing there with her arms crossed, eyebrow raised, would be an understatement.

**A/N: Done! Okay, so, very sorry I haven't updated in days, but, my creativity isn't working as it usually is *crosses arms in disappointment*. I really hope that it comes back to normal soon, because my lack of it is making me sad :(. I'm not too thrilled with this chapter, so sorry if it's not good. Review and tell me what you think!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Needing the Pain Ch 18**

**A/N: Hello dear readers of mine! I feel like crap, (piss off allergies! Grrr...) so I'll try my best to make this chapter somewhat good. So, Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way know or own Mcfly. **

Silence seemed to drown everything in the room. Not even the ticking of the small clock in the corner could be heard.

Harry sunk back into the couch, staring down at his lap, pulling at his fingers nervously.

Dougie was the one to break the almost disturbing silence. "Who in god's name are you?" Leave it to Dougie to get straight to the point.

She blew a shiny strand of blonde hair from her eyes and smiled sweetly. "I'm Fadia, or Faye. Whichever is fine with me," Dougie rolled his eyes. "What I meant was who are you and what are you doing here?" She mimicked his action, crossing her arms. "Well be more specific next time. I'm Fadia, and Harry's girlfriend." Dougie stood up, crossing his arms as well. "Since when?" She shrugged. "A few days ago."

He snapped his head in Harry's direction. All the drummer could do was nod, wondering why they were being so rude to each other. They just met, and Fadia was acting completely out of character towards the bassist. And Dougie, he knew it was his fault that the youngest blonde was acting the way he was. He'd been so different since he'd found out about Harry's cutting.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and went to sit next to Harry.

"Listen, I know him because he came into my shop about a week ago and, I don't know, we clicked. It took him a little bit to let me in, and when he finally did, we became a couple. End of story." She leaned into Harry's side, and he put his arm around her, pulling her close, not sure which one would need the protection. He didn't know what the bassist would do now.

Tom, always the rational and calm one, pushed Dougie lightly back onto the couch and sighed. He stood up, leaning over to shake Fadia's hand. He smiled kindly, and spoke. "It's nice to meet you, Faye. Thank you for looking out for him." She smiled softly, nodding. She'd do anything for him. She knew that much.

Danny half-smiled in her direction, though it didn't really reach his eyes. In a way he felt somewhat insulted. This stranger was able to help Harry, but they weren't? He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't help that it seemed like he was unable to help his best friend, who'd he'd known for years. But, this girl had helped him; he had let her all the way in, just after a few days.

Dougie didn't say anything. He only glared at her, as if he was mentally murdering her. How dare she? How dare she get involved and try to solve his problem for him? It was _their_ job to help him, not some random farm girl. She was acting as if she actually knew him! She didn't know half of what he knew! He didn't like her. Though, the question that stuck to his brain the most was something that he wasn't sure could be answered.

Why could she help him more than they could?

It bothered him that Harry had let her in, and yet the drummer wouldn't even talk to them long enough for them to be able to help in any way.

Harry was surprised he could actually feel more uncomfortable than before. It was as if the temperature in the room had dropped twenty degrees, and the murderous look in Doug's eyes didn't exactly help the situation. How had he managed to screw everything up? Sure, he had met Fadia, who he was sure he was falling in love with; even after such little time. But, he was making his friends' lives miserable. He had pretty much destroyed the old Dougie, replacing him with this angry, sarcastic jerk who seemed even more protective than before now that he met Fadia.

He was feeling worse and worse as the seconds ticked by. Fadia had been watching him like a hawk, and kissing him to keep his mind off of it; her kisses seemed to do somewhat of what cutting could do, though nothing was really on that level of bliss.

His breathing quickened as he heard it, and he refrained from crying out. No, this couldn't happen, not now.

The voices were back.

**A/N: Okay, so, not my best work. I actually think that it kind of sucks, honestly. I just don't feel the greatest, and my friend is in the hospital because he had some kind of seizure yesterday during first period (wasn't in school so I don't know everything that happened) so, that made me upset. They had a restricted lockdown and everything; they kept everyone in their classrooms until the ambulance showed up to take him to the emergency room or something. Not a fun thing to hear the morning your back in school after being sick. Anyways, REVIEW!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Needing the Pain Ch 19**

**A/N: Hello! :D so I am in a pretty good mood, and have decided to update. I updated my newest story the other day so, I'm trying to balance the two out. Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly**

Harry bit into the insides of his cheeks to keep from screaming. They couldn't be back. He couldn't deal with them right now!

Fadia had felt him tense beside her, and looked at him, pure concern and worry washing over her features. "Haz, are you alright?" He gulped, giving her a stiff nod. He bit harder into his cheeks as he heard the raspy voice whisper,

'_Aww, look at that. She's actually worried about you. You thought you could get rid of me, didn't you? Well, you stopped blocking me when she found out. Now you're back to square one. They found you, and now you have another person's life to ruin. You like ruining people's lives, don't you? It makes you feel good to know that you're not the only one suffering!'_

He tried his best to ignore the voice, face growing hot in concentration.

Danny, noticing this, was quick to be at the drummer's other side, gripping his forearm comfortingly. "Harry, what's wrong?"

By now tears had started to force themselves out onto his reddening cheeks, bottom lip trembling.

'_This all could have been over, Judd! And you know it, too! All you had to do was cut until you were completely drained, but no, you decided to keep your pitiful self alive! You are insane! And you think you can have a __**girlfriend**__?'_

His eyes were wide, and he felt himself clenching and unclenching his fists. This only scared everyone else more.

'_Look at what you're doing to them! I bet you're just waiting until they all kill themselves! That'd make it all slow and painful. I'm sure you'd enjoy every minute of watching it, too!'_

Harry blinked rapidly, feeling his whole body shake. "_STOP!_" He breathed out, his head pounding and heart racing dramatically.

'_What's the matter, Harry? Can't take the truth? You know why this is hurting them! You probably plan on killing them! You had Jane killed, so you might as well kill everyone else that loves you!'_

It all happened so suddenly. A horrific scream pierced through the air, practically murdering their eardrums as Harry ripped himself from the comforting hold of his girlfriend and best friend, crashing into the wall to the side of the couches.

Everyone watched, absolutely petrified as Harry lashed out, and Tom realized what was happening. The drummer was having a seizure.

Fadia cried out, terrified as she witnessed his eyes rolling back in his head, his body convulsing and teeth tearing at his lips. She let out strangled sobs as she screamed; "HARRY!" and Dougie tore his gaze from him. She was getting up, ready to run to his side, and it reminded Dougie of how he'd acted when they had found Harry in the bathroom; when they had found out about him cutting.

He grabbed Fadia in his arms, holding her tightly as she sobbed into his chest. Tom had his mobile in hand, shouting at the dispatcher on the other end.

Danny just looked at the scene before him, wondering how everything could have turned out so badly.

**A/N: God, I was freaking out just writing this! I honestly don't even know where that came from, so don't ask. And I know it's really, really, REALLY short, but I'll probably add later, maybe even today, so, yeah. I wanted to leave this chapter at that, though, so the next chapter could be longer. I'm not even sure if this can medically happen, but, oh well! I don't really give a crap! :D REVIEW!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Needing the Pain Ch. 20**

**A/N: Okay, so, sadly, this chapter takes place in the hospital where Harry is (again! It makes sense with all their thoughts if you've read my one-shot that ties into this, Pain Distracts Pain.) I mean, you can read this without reading the one-shot I guess, but it'd just make a whole crapload more sense if you did! Anyways, on with the chapter! Enjoy :D!**

**Disclaimer: *huff* It hurts so much to say this! I don't own Mcfly :'(**

Dougie never thought he'd end up sitting on this chair again, waiting anxiously to see if his friend was going to be alright. Never again did he think he'd even have to be at the hospital for Harry. There had been no other hospitals near the small village other than the one they'd brought Harry to before. The only difference this time? They had no idea what had just happened.

The only thing Dougie was positive about was that Harry had had some sort of seizure, and that it had been absolutely terrifying to watch. Everything else was just unanswered questions.

Why had Harry even had a seizure in the first place?

That was the one thing he was dying to know. The drummer didn't have a background of seizures. He didn't even have a background of medical problems. The lad was healthy as a horse. Or, rather, he _was_, before he'd lost Jane. His sanity began to leave him after that.

The bassist's eyes drifted to the girl next to him, and he actually felt his heart break.

Fadia looked a right mess. The otherwise gorgeous girl had her hair tangled in between her fingers as she lightly pulled at it. Her light makeup had run in tear tracks down her round cheeks, and her white off-shoulder tee was stained with dark brown mascara.

He sighed, and recalled the way he'd comforted her back at the cottage. He didn't know what'd come over him. Just a second ago he'd practically been planning a way to ship her off somewhere remote, and the next thing he knew he was hugging her and soothing her while she cried in complete fear.

Maybe it was the inner brotherly instinct he'd had inside him, or maybe it was just that he remembered being in her shoes. He winced visibly as he remembered the horrible, nauseating feeling that had set in the pit of his stomach. How he'd felt like he would either pass out or throw up. The unwelcome memory was forever stained in his mind; etched into the very core of his brain along with the image of Harry, lying in his own blood on the bathroom tile.

He shook his head, suddenly feeling guilty for how he'd judged Fadia. How he'd made her out to be some horrible person, who, in truth, felt as much love for the drummer as they did. Who cared so deeply for him, _just like they did_. He looked her shaking form over once more before making the decision.

Fadia felt numb; completely, almost painfully, numb. The horror she felt at that moment; of seeing her boyfriend convulsing on the floor like he had, there were no words to describe the pain, the_ fear_. She felt her tears start up again at the thought of possibly losing him.

That's when she felt hesitant, yet comforting arms come around her. She looked up, meeting the murky blue eyes of Dougie Poynter. She shakily leaned into his chest, crying softly.

He moved hair from her face, and whispered, "Shh, it's okay, Faye. Don't cry. I know just how you feel." She looked up. "What if he….he…I can't lose him!" He only kissed her forehead and shushed her again. "He'll be fine. Don't worry. Just, just sleep. Take your mind off things. I promise I'll wake you when we get any news on him."

He picked her up, laying them both on the scratchy couch in the corner near the muted TV.

Hesitantly, almost untrustingly, she managed to get her eyes closed, burying her head in Dougie's tear socked shirt, still managing to warm her cold body.

A single thought floated in her mind as she drifted off into a restless sleep:

'_I love you, Harry. Please, don't leave me'_

Dougie watched this, and a small smile graced his lips.

Maybe he didn't hate her so much after all.

**A/N: Okay, so, to answer any questions that are brewing in your head, NOTHING ROMANTIC AT ALL IS GOING ON BETWEEN DOUGIE AND FADIA! IT'S ALL BROTHER-SISTER-TYPE STUFF! And I know I said I would make this chapter longer, but I really wanted to add this cute, fluffy little brother-sister moment between these two hard-headed blondes! REVIEW!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Needing the Pain Ch 21**

**A/N: Hello! Now, after researching a bit on the internet, (The Power of Google! :P) I found out that a seizure **_**can**_** happen because of psychological issues, so, what happened two chapters ago is possible! Yay! I am medically correct in my writing! :D So, anyways, Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly (hurts worse the more I say it) :'(**

Waiting seemed to go on forever. It felt as if the hours had been deliberately stretched out so they would have to deal with the pain of the situation longer than necessary.

Danny's empty gaze drifted over to the couch on the far side of the room, where Dougie and Fadia were sleeping; indulging in the comfort of each other. It made him smile; only a little bit, though. He was proud of Dougie for stepping up despite the supposed hatred he had felt towards her.

Her reaction to Harry reminded him a little too much of Dougie's reaction the last time the drummer needed an ambulance. They were more alike than they realized.

Tom was pacing back and forth, knowing there were people watching him. Actually, pretty much _everyone_ was watching him; as well as Danny and Dougie. Those looking at Dougie had envy written on their faces, which was directed towards the girl he was laying with. If only they knew that she wasn't at all in love with him, but _another_ Mcflyer. The feelings the two blondes felt towards each other was nothing but pure friendship, along with some distaste that they really couldn't decipher the reason for.

Unlike the last time, they were not alone. The sun was just starting to go down, therefore, many were seated throughout the room; none tearing their eyes away from the celebrities.

All of a sudden, Tom felt a weak tug at his jeans. He looked down to see a little girl with dark brown eyes and curly black hair looking up at him in curiosity. She couldn't have been older than six.

"Um, Mister Tom, where's Harry?" His smile at her calling him 'Mister Tom' faded at the question he'd been dreading. He looked around to see a lot of people that were obviously wondering the same thing.

His eyes flickered to Danny, pleading for help. How could he explain this? He would usually speak for all of them, but, he hadn't prepared anything; mostly because he hadn't thought about there being people in the waiting room.

Danny nodded, moving to the little girl. He crouched down, and said softly, "What's your name, sweetie?" She stated confidently, "Mary Beth!" an adorable smile immediately followed the definite tone. He grinned at her, as said, "Harry just hurt himself a bit. He's perfectly fine and can't wait to get back to doing what he does best." She giggled, before saying, "My daddy got hit by a big trucker man with a funny beard. They're fixing his booboos." Danny's grin faded, heart breaking at what he heard. She didn't understand that her father had probably been hurt badly.

A woman looking to be in her late twenties scooped the girl up, worry clouding her tired eyes. She whispered, "I'm sorry for her. She doesn't understand that….." Tears were trying to force their way through her narrowing eyes.

Danny rested a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Don't lose hope. I've been in your shoes twice, this being my second time. Just don't lose faith in the fact that your husband will be fine. You keep thinking that, and nothing is impossible." She smiled a little, nodding in thanks as she moved back towards the chair she'd been occupying. Danny's comforting smile slipped. If only he could believe in his own advice.

"Are any of you here for a Mr. Judd?" Tom's head immediately snapped in the direction of the voice, and practically ran over to him. "Yeah, that's us. I was the one that called for an ambulance."

While they spoke quietly to one another, Danny went over to Dougie and Fadia, crouching down and shaking them lightly.

Fadia's eyes cracked open, and she whispered tiredly, "Yeah?" Danny smiled a little. "A doctor just came in. He's got news on Haz." And with that little information, she shot up, tearing herself from Dougie's embrace and sprinting to where Tom and the doctor were standing.

Danny and Dougie soon followed; all their faces full of anxiousness.

Dougie asked eagerly, "So?"

The doctor sighed, before saying quietly, "Why don't you all follow me and we can talk about this in private?" They looked at each other, before nodding and allowing him to lead the way.

They stopped in an empty hallway, where the doctor rubbed the bridge of his nose, deciding how he should start. "Well, I'm Dr. Thompson, and have made a diagnosis on your friend." He paused, looking at each of their faces before continuing. "Now, from what I was informed, he appeared to have some sort of seizure, correct?" They all nodded. "Well, when we were running an EEG test, we found nothing abnormal concerning his patterns of brainwaves, meaning he does not have Epilepsy. It appears he's had a Pseudoseizure."

No one tried to hide their confusion at learning this.

Dougie raised an eyebrow, and asked, "A Pseudo-what?" Dr. Thompson sighed deeply. "A Pseudoseizure. Also known as a psychogenic seizure, it's caused by mental and psychological stress. What triggers these vary depending on the patient. It can be brought on because of fear of being left alone, feeling rejected by others, family problems; many things."

Everyone froze at the last thing said. Family problems sounded about right.

Fadia suddenly blurted out, "Is he okay?"

Dr. Thompson didn't say anything for a long time. Finally, he spoke. "Physically, no harm had come to him bar a few minor bruises hitting things and slamming onto the floor. It would have been worse if surrounding objects hadn't been cleared. As for his mental harm, I'm not sure. He just woke up a few minutes ago, and he's rather confused. He keeps asking for someone as well. Jane, I think they're name was. Is that you?" The last question was directed towards Fadia, who shook her head, whispering, "That was his sister. She's been dead for two years."

Dr. Thompson shook his head. "Have you thought of getting him some psychological help? I would highly recommend it after what's happened."

Dougie tensed, clenching his jaw. He'd been so against it since Tom had suggested it; he wasn't so sure the drummer could cope without it anymore, though. The bassist closed his eyes for a second, before asking shakily, "Would you happen to, maybe, know a name of one?" The doctor gave him a close-lipped smile, knowing that the blonde was uncomfortable with asking this. He nodded, saying, "I'll give you the name in a little while. I think you should see your friend, but only one at a time, alright. After this traumatic experience of his, I wouldn't risk causing any commotion. I'm not saying stand on the other side of the room, just be wary, and if you see anything begin to happen, call for a nurse. "

Danny nodded at Dr. Thompson, the doctor sending them a sympathetic look before retreating to care for his other patients.

They all looked at one another, before silently deciding who would go in first.

Tom looked to Fadia. "You go ahead. I think he'd much rather see you than us." She nodded a little, silently asking if they were sure before pushing open the door of Harry's hospital room.

**A/N: I admit, this chapter was hard to right. And see how dedicated to this story I am? I spent a good forty minutes or so researching stress induced seizures, just for you! Anyways, review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Needing the Pain Ch. 22**

**A/N: Okay, so, I'm being bad and not updating my other story, because I'm loving writing this story more than usual, so, to any of my readers that are reading Seeing is Believing, I'm very sorry if I don't update in a little bit. I just sort of want to focus on this story since I'm getting more towards the actual process of Harry's recovery. So, enjoy. :D  
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Mcfly *feels heart breaking***

It took Fadia a few moments before her eyes adjusted to the sudden change in brightness. The ceiling lights were blinding her and the starch white walls were giving her a headache.

Her eyes landed on the slow-moving figure that lay beneath the pure white sheets of the hospital bed.

She walked over, taking a seat in the plastic chair beside the bed, and brushed some hair out of his face.

He turned, a frighteningly ignorant smile breaking onto his face. "Jane?" She shook slightly at hearing the simple, yet so very complicated question. When the doctor said he wasn't quite there yet, he really meant it. What was she supposed to say now?

She opened and closed her mouth several times, a blank look on her face as she struggled to find the right words to explain to him that Jane was gone, and has _been_ gone for quite some time. "Harry, baby, i-it's Fadia. Remember?" He frowned in concentration, and her heart literally broke at the sight of such a confused, mentally deteriorating person. It took everything she had not to cry, though, if he didn't remember her, than she was positive she _would_ start crying.

His vacant eyes lit up as he grinned at her. "Oh! Hi! You're my girlfriend!" She offered a close-lipped smile, trying extremely hard to hide the pain she felt. "Yeah, baby, that's right." He seemed to snap out of it just a little, and she was relieved to see some more recognition pass through his pale face.

"Where's Dougie? And Tom? And Danny?" He asked, genuinely curious. She sighed, "They're outside, baby. They wanted me to come in first. Is that okay?" He took her hand, and nodded. She smiled, as she brought it up to her reddening lips from biting at them so much, kissing it, her eyes never leaving the drummer's.

She was tempted to flat out ask him what was going on in his head right then. She really wanted to ask him what was wrong with him, though, she knew that it wasn't the way to handle the situation, and she could really hurt him by asking such a thing.

He smiled at her, the ignorance not as overwhelming, yet it still managing to suffocate her. She hated it. She hated everything that she had blindly gotten herself into; all because of love. She felt that was a pretty good reason to, though. Even though she wasn't sure if she could handle all this, she would do anything for him without a second thought.

She sat back a little in her chair, and sighed. "How are you feeling, Haz?" He shrugged, playing with a loose thread on his blanket. "I'm okay. Not really sure why I'm in here, though." That made her freeze. He didn't know? She sat up straight, and asked, slightly alarmed, "You don't know what happened?" He shook his head, curiosity flooding into his blue eyes as he asked, "Do you?" She gulped, not sure how to answer that. Of course she knew what had happened. Dr. Thompson had explained it just moments ago. Why didn't he remember, though? He'd practically ripped himself from the couch and slammed himself onto the wood floor.

She recalled the doctor warning not to cause any commotion. This would _definitely_ cause commotion. She needed to leave before she said anything wrong.

"Hey, baby, um, I think you should rest a bit, don't you think? I'm going to go get something to eat, and I'll probably be back later. That okay?" She knew that it was a lame save, but she her brain was in overdrive at the moment and she was having trouble registering some things.

He nodded a little, his confusion from earlier still there, kicking in again as he laid down.

She kissed his forehead and rushed out of the room.

'_Why didn't he know what happened?' _was all that ran through her head the entire time.

**A/N: Okay, so, I realized just now that I have a little habit of ending chapters with a question or a thought, so, I'm sorry if that annoys you :/ I didn't even know I was doing it before. Anyways, short chapter, I know, but, I'm thinking of just running through their visits to him like this. Anyways, REVIEW please!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Needing the Pain Ch. 23**

**A/N: Okay, first, I would just like to say that I am so so so so so so so so so SORRY for the huge gigantic gap of no new chapters! I know, I pretty much suck for that, but I've been spending some time on the Mcfly boards and am pretty obsessed with it at the moment, plus, I've really just been too lazy to write. My cat also got diagnosed with diabetes and had a hypoglycemic thingy the other day, so, yeah. But, anyways, I hope that you forgive me! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mcfly in any way :(**

Fadia closed the door of Harry's hospital room, visibly shaken as she tried to hide the tears that threatened to break out. She felt some begin to leak from her blinking eyes as she made her way over to the others.

Dougie looked up, an anxious expression on his face.

She didn't say anything, just whimpered, before she broke down, Dougie taking her in a comforting hug. She hid her face in his shirt as he tightened his hold on her. He whispered, "What happened?" She let out a sob before looking up at him. She looked even smaller and more fragile than before.

She shook her head. "He's so far gone it's not even funny." Danny gulped at hearing this, before saying, "Elaborate." She sighed, bringing a hand up to wipe away tears. "He didn't even recognize me at first. He was so ignorant it was suffocating. The look in his eyes scared me. He thought I was Jane at first. And to make matters worse, he doesn't remember what happened." Tom froze. "What doesn't he remember?" She chewed at her lip. "Well, he doesn't remember the seizure for one. He is so confused as to why he's even here. And…. I'm not sure if he remembers that Jane is dead."

Danny tangled his fingers in his hair and pulled at it slightly, his lips placed in a frustrated and angry frown.

"Don't tell me we have to remind him that his bloody sister's dead! I'm not doing that. I don't think I could handle it." Danny didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it did. The looks on their faces showed slight annoyance toward him.

Tom rolled his eyes, before snapping, "Grow up, Dan! Don't start pulling out now! We've come too far and it's too late for you to start acting like a freaking child. None of us want to do it, but I don't think it's fair of you to leave it to just us if it's what we have to do!"

Danny glared daggers at the blonde, before saying venomously, "Don't you dare call me a child, Tom! It's not like you haven't acted like one! How are you so calm about this! He doesn't bloody remember anything and you're acting all nonchalant! You're acting like nothing matters anymore so don't go telling me I'm pulling out!"

The fighting continued and Dougie's blood boiled more and more with each insult that was thrown between the two guitarists. He looked down at Fadia, and could see she was crying harder and harder, pulling herself closer and closer to him, as if she wanted to disappear. That made him angrier.

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!" Dougie practically screamed. He'd honestly had enough. "Harry's in room about fifteen feet away from us and you're going to start grabbing at each others' throats? You're both acting like children and I'm the youngest! So just shut up and calm down!"

Instead of making the situation better, though, it made it worse. Danny stared deadly at Dougie, causing the bassist to inwardly flinch. "I'm done. Call me when he remembers." The Northerner growled, sending a similar look to Tom before stalking off. Tom's fists clenched as he shouted in his direction, "Like I'd even call you!" The older blonde growled under his breath, before turning and storming off in the other direction, heading for the private waiting room for friends and family.

Dougie's eyes were wide, shock clearly written across his face. He looked down at Fadia, who was crying silently into his shirt, and he held her closer.

_What just happened?_

**A/N: Alright, so, I know that it was pathetically short and I owe you more after leaving you waiting for so long, but I just didn't know what else to put, and I know that enough sadness has happened, but I felt like tossing in a little surprising twist. I honestly didn't think it would go in the direction of Tom and Danny fighting, but, hey, sometimes I feel like I have no control over the story. Ah well, REVIEW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Needing the Pain Ch 24**

**A/N: I. Am. So. Sorry. Seriously, I'm such a lazy person, I'm ashamed to say I sort of forgot about this story, because I'm writing others, but, I'm going to try (if I haven't lost readers, which I most likely have) to continue and FINISH this! Again, I'm really sorry for not updating in two months, I'm mean for that :/ But, anyways, I hope this isn't too lame, and that you all forgive me :( **

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way own Mcfly, they own themselves, I am writing this purely for yours and my own entertainment.**

Danny was overwhelmed. He just couldn't handle this anymore. Everything was taking a turn for the worse, and it felt like they'd just crashed into a pile of explosives.

How could Harry _not_ remember all that's happened? How could he not remember that Jane was dead, or that he'd gone completely over the edge and had a _seizure_? It just didn't make sense to him, but, maybe, that was because he didn't want it to.

He missed being naïve. He missed not knowing what went down behind closed doors upstairs. Maybe that sounds wrong, but, really, would you be okay with knowing that one of your best friends in the entire world, someone who was practically family to you, was going insane? Because, really, he was done with pretending that wasn't what was happening. Harry was going insane, and the fact that they might have to remind him about all what's happened, taking him back to square one, well, he just didn't want to do that.

He still didn't understand why Tom seemed so _okay_ with that. He wanted to rip his hair out just thinking about doing something like that. It made him angry that Tom would talk to him like he did, like he didn't care about Harry anymore. Actually, now that he thought about it, it made him _infuriated beyond belief_. Danny did care about Harry. The worry and sadness that had managed to suffocate him throughout this whole ordeal, well, he was surprised it hadn't killed him yet. Danny almost wished he didn't care, because caring was hurting too much right now.

A part of him wanted to go back there and apologize, but, really, would they want to see him now? Would they want to see him after he'd said what he'd said?

Realization and dread overcame him as he thought about all that he'd said. He ran the entire conversation through his mind, and it filled him with self hatred. He'd actually made it sound like he didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore. He'd left Harry. He'd abandoned him in his time of need, because he was _scared. _He was quite possibly the worst person in existence at the moment.

He suddenly stopped, looking around. He was in front of an alleyway now, standing on a rough sidewalk next to an empty street. He was obviously in a bad part of town, wherever he was. Hey, maybe he'd get lucky and get mugged? He surely deserved it after what happened.

Danny walked into the alley, back hitting the wall at the very end as he slid down against the dirty brick, and he sighed.

Suddenly, something shiny caught his attention. He looked to his right, and saw it. A broken shard of glass, rusty and jagged.

He wasn't sure why he was reaching down for it. He just felt compelled to grab it. He stared at it in his hands for a few moments, and thought to himself, _'Hey, if it works for Harry, it's got to work for me, too, right?'_

Without further thoughts, Danny brought the sharp side to the inside of his wrist and dragged it roughly across the skin, hissing at the abrupt pain of glass ripping open smooth flesh. He froze once he'd pulled it away from his skin, and for a few moments he just stared at the cut, warm crimson flowing from the rugged crack in his freckled wrist.

Realization hit him fast and hard, and he began shaking, the shard falling from his hand and shattering further against the hard ground. Immense shame spilled over as he glared at the angry red cut that would surely turn into a scar. Regret mixed in with the shame, and nausea suddenly washed over him as he leaned over and threw up, the smell of his own blood invading his nostrils. He wiped his mouth as his eyes welled up with frustrated tears.

He pulled his knees to his chest, ignoring the sting of the open wound rubbing against denim as his body wracked with sobs.

Danny wasn't sure he could ever face his friends again.

**A/N: Okaaay, that was unexpected, even to me! Hopefully the surprise makes you forgive me? No? Ohhh well, I still love all my readers (even the ones I may or may not have lost) and I hope you are still interested in this story :/**

**REVIEW PLEASE THE BUTTONS RIGHT BELOW THIS UNNECESSARILY CAPITALIZED TEXT!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Needing the Pain Ch 25**

**A/N: Okaaay, so, I'm glad I've still got some readers! So, thank you to loststolenandfound and Valentinne for bothering to still read! Now, let's see where this chapter takes us, shall we? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't in any way, shape, or form own Mcfly**

The tension that flowed through the hospital was unbelievable at the moment. It seemed to weave its way through the already uncomfortable atmosphere and wrap itself around the remaining three, not feeling like it would bother to leave anytime soon.

Tom was sat in the waiting room for friends and family, head in his hands as his knee bounced fanatically. He was angry and confused, the feelings split between the situation itself and Danny. Tom really wanted to know why Danny had all of a sudden gotten so worked up. He'd never been that way, not even after Harry had punched him in the face.

It felt as if Danny just didn't care anymore, but, deep down, Tom knew that Danny really did care. He knew that the Northerner cared possibly too much for Harry, just like the rest of them. As he thought about it, it suddenly occurred to him that the reason why Danny was so against letting Harry know, could be because he didn't want to see the heartbreak that would surely cross Harry's face. He maybe just couldn't bear the thought of pulling Harry back to the beginning; he didn't want to ruin the ignorance because what would come from reminding him would only make them all feel worse.

His knee stopped, and he stood up quickly, feeling like a proper jerk for all the things he'd said to Danny. He'd taken what Danny had said in the wrong way and made him feel angry and hurt, and that was something he wasn't supposed to make his best friend feel. They were supposed to be understanding with each other, and to be honest, Tom could have most definitely handled the situation with Danny better.

He hastily made his way back out in the hallway, where Dougie and Fadia were lent against the wall, not really saying anything. Tom was amazed how they could go from hating each other to having this brother/sister bond. To be honest, it freaked him out a bit.

He took a deep breath and said, "Guys, I'm so sorry for acting the way I did, I realize I could and should have handled the situation better." Dougie looked at him long and hard before saying, "Well, the way you acted was wrong nonetheless, whether you're sorry or not, and now we have no idea where Danny is. I mean, I realize how you could have taken it the wrong way, but, really, you should know him well enough to realize he doesn't always take these sorts of situations well." This only made Tom feel guiltier, as he said, "I'm going to call him."

The blonde guitarist pulled out his phone and quickly dialed the Boltonian, hearing it ring several times before going to voicemail. He sighed, feeling frustration and a sense of panic wash over him at not knowing where his upset and angry friend was. Tom looked at Dougie and Fadia before saying, "I'm going to go look for him!"

He was stopped by Dougie's hand on his shoulder. The bassist looked at him sympathetically, and said, "Mate, no offense, but I don't really think Danny wants to talk to you right now. You know how he is, just let him some time by himself, and I'm sure he'll be back and you then you can kiss and make up." Tom looked at Dougie feeling both surprised and relieved. It may not have been much, but it was the first remotely joking thing that Dougie had said since what happened with Harry, and it just felt good to hear even a small bit of the old Dougie shine through.

Tom nodded slowly, reluctantly, and took his place next to Dougie against the wall. He just needed for Danny to come back, because he couldn't bear the thought of them falling apart now, he needed Danny to stay strong and forgive him so they could all help Harry get through this rough part of his life, so, just maybe, if possible, they could one day get back the Harry they loved and missed. Maybe one day they'd have _their_ Harry again, because the one he was becoming more and more everyday was tearing them all to pieces.

**A/N: Okay, so, hopefully I can be back to updating every or every other day, but I'm really sorry if I don't add to this in a couple of days, I'm going to try to build up a routine so I can get this finished. Please, REVIEW!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Needing the Pain Ch 26**

**A/N: I'm sorry for the few days wait, I've just been really tired lately. But hopefully this chapter will be okay! And, plus, I'll be going back to school in a matter of weeks (bleh), and it feels like it's getting harder to write for this after that unofficial hiatus it went on, so, I've given up with the fast chapter updates, but, rest assured, I will finish this, I promis. So, Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: This is pure fiction, Mcfly own themselves.**

Danny never came back to the hospital. It had been three days; three days of torture for Tom, Dougie, and Fadia. Dougie hadn't even been able to say anything to Harry, too afraid that the minute he'd open his mouth he'd burst into tears. Harry hadn't made progress with remembering anything. He obviously didn't understand what was going on. The doctor had informed them that the trauma of all that he'd experienced, with losing his sister and self harming, and then a seizure to top it off had just been too much for his mind to handle. That the pressure and the stress had in the end eaten him alive and the only way he could recover from the scarring situation was for his mind to wipe itself clean of the incident.

This, naturally, was not reassuring news. The last thing they wanted was to remind Harry of what happened. Because, really what was there to say? 'Oh, hey there, Haz, just wanted to let you know that your little sister's been dead for two years and that you had a seizure, which is why you're here. And by the way, if you're wondering where the scars came from, it's because you were cutting yourself on a daily basis.' Yeah, _surely_ that _wouldn't_ mess him up so that he'd be worse than ever.

Dougie had been pondering these thoughts, his mind dark and depressing, filled with storms of confusion, frustration, anger, and most of all, _fear_. He was so unbelievably scared of how this would turn out. He couldn't lose Harry. Not to suicide, which was something that he was frightened would cross Harry's mind after this. And if it's not by suicide, it could be something else. Harry could lose himself because of all the pain and the confusion, and if that happened, well, Dougie's just doesn't think he could cope with it.

He couldn't ever lose Danny either. He didn't care what Danny said. Even if what the Northerner had done was out of line in a way, it was obvious that it was all out of the same fear and heartbreak that the rest of them were feeling. Danny just wasn't as strong in those situations all the time. To be honest, Dougie himself was mildly surprised he wasn't the first one to crack. He definitely felt like he was taking it the hardest, not that it was necessarily true in any way.

"Doug?" He was shot down from his thoughts by a familiar voice question him, wondering if he still had both feet on the ground, because, in the heat of the moment right now, insanity seemed to be on a winning streak. He tried his best to smile; saying in a strained voice, "Hey Faye. Where's Tom?" She sighed, letting her back hit the wall next to me as she crossed her arms. "In there, with Harry. I peeked through the window in the door and he looks like he wants to run to the bathroom and throw up." The bassist shook shook head at hearing this, knowing just how hard it is to be in that room with Harry when he's so helplessly ignorant to what's going on. Not that it was his fault. It most certainly wasn't.

He let his head fall back against the wall as he let a heavy sigh pass his lips. "Why is this happening to us? To Harry? Harry, of all people, he has to go through this! I just…. I wish I could bring her back. I wish I could rewind to the night she was killed and stop her from going out. I want to stop myself from causing the heartbreak I'm about to shove towards him." Fadia shook her head, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans as she spoke. "Dougs, I don't really have an answer. I'm as beaten up as you are about this whole ordeal. It's scary to think he could just, fall back, but, we need to try and stay strong. And maybe we can find Danny and get him to realize the mistake he's making by leaving. Harry needs him right now. We need him." Dougie let her words sink in, staring at her for a moment and realizing just how right she was. They couldn't fall apart now. They'd come too far to just give up on Harry. He needed them.

Dougie knew what he needed to do. "Faye, if you see Tom, tell him I'm okay and I'll be back." Fadia's hand fell on his shoulder, making him pause in his movements. He turned his head, looking straight into deep pools of hazel. "Where are you heading now?" A small, _very small_, smile graced his lips, as he said, determination spreading across his features and lacing itself into each word the bassist said. "I'm going to find Danny."

And with that being said, he made his way down the hallway, through the lobby and the waiting room, and out the automatic doors, feet padding against cement as he began his search for the lost and confused Northerner.

**A/N: Alright, that's finished. And, again, the updates probably won't come fast, unless I suddenly get back my muse or whatever has run away from me so I can get the ball rolling again with this fic. Oh well, we'll see. REVIEW PLEASE! IF YOU DON'T I'LL CRY! ;) xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 (FINALLY)**

**A/N: Hello, remember me? I suck, yet again, for sort of/kind of abandoning this story, but I was having some issues with writer's block coming and going. Hopefully, I think it's gone, because I've been able to write some stuff lately, so, crossing my fingers this chapter doesn't suck. I'm off school now, anyway, so I should be able to write. If anyone's still interested, the updates might be slow. I'm no longer making promises I can't keep. :/**

**So, yeah, Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Mcfly.**

It had become clear that finding Danny wouldn't be as easy as Dougie had originally thought. He'd left the hospital with determination in his eyes, but the probability of finding him today was dimming as time ticked on. He decided it couldn't hurt to try calling Dan again.

"_Hey mate! You've got pretty bad timing, since I'm not answering—"_

Dougie hit end, sighing heavily. Where could he have run off to?

* * *

Danny was miserable. No, he was past miserable. He felt completely _alone_.

After what felt like hours of sitting slumped in the alleyway, blood dripping down his arm and face swollen and red from sobbing, the guitarist had managed to pull himself up and walk back out onto the street. He'd unrolled the sleeves of his flannel shirt in order to hide the nasty cut, unable to do much else.

The motel he had checked himself into wasn't the nicest, but it wasn't necessarily the worst one he'd ever come across. Sure, the ceilings were low and the bed was stiff, but it was better than sleeping out on the streets.

His cut still burned. The itchiness probably wasn't a good sign either. He probably should have cleaned it as soon as he'd checked into the motel, but he couldn't bring himself to care. After all that Harry had gone through, would still _have to_ go through, Danny figured he could handle some discomfort.

He wondered if the lads had bothered looking for him. He seriously doubted it, after the way he'd treated them, treated Faye, treated _Harry_. If he were them, Danny wouldn't care if he ever came back. There was still a small part of him that wanted to believe they cared enough to look, though.

Danny did his best to ignore his internal pleading as he dropped down onto the bed, cringing at the way the springs squeaked. He felt the vibrations of his phone from his back pocket, and resisted the urge to answer it. His stomach was growling, he knows he should have eaten something, but it felt as if all will had left his body.

He laid back, bringing his knees to his chest and curling in on himself, fixing his eyes on the paint peeling off the wall.

* * *

"And you're positive you saw him head this way?"

The woman nodded, before saying, "Yeah, he looked a right wreck, the poor boy. If he didn't have anywhere to go, I'd say your best bet would be to check the motel down the road. Of course, I haven't seen him since the other day, so he could be anywhere."

Dougie nodded, hoping to god that wasn't true. He smiled at the woman in thanks, before turning and heading in the direction she had pointed out to him.

He found the motel in no time—a small, faded yellow building with a sign that had more burnt out bulbs than lit ones.

Dougie let out a deep breath, before walking towards the small entrance. A fat, balding man was sat behind a dusty desk, eyeing a magazine that didn't exactly look family-friendly.

"Um, excuse me, sir? I was wondering if my friend checked in here. He's got a thick accent and the curly brown hair."

The man didn't answer for several seconds, seemingly wrapped up in his magazine.

Dougie tried again. "Um, sir? I'd really appreciate your help—"

The man shut his magazine, the sound stopping Dougie from speaking further.

"I heard you the first time, kid! Can't you give a guy some time to finish his reading?"

_Yeah,_ Dougie thought to himself, _reading._

The man picked up the now closed magazine and slid it under the desk, before crossing his arms.

"Yeah, I saw the guy, came here a few days ago. He's in room 10, I think. If not, come back here and I'll either guess again or actually bother to look at my sheet."

Dougie nodded to himself, happy to get away from the creepy man. He turned around and made his way down the hallway, scanning the doors for room 10. He finally found it, taking a deep breath and pushing the unsurprisingly unlocked door open.

Dougie's breath caught in his throat, relief over coming him as he noticed the figure on the bed that looked a lot like his curly haired friend.

"DANNY!" Dougie cried running and then jumping on the figure.

Danny looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise, before registering who it was.

"Dougie?"

Dougie smiled, standing up and nodding. "Yeah mate, it's me. I've been looking all over for you! You've got no idea how worried we've been. Man, you look horrible!"

Danny looked away, slowly sitting up. "Why?"

Dougie raised his arms, gesturing to Danny's entire body. "Mate, you look like you haven't moved from that spot in days."

Danny shook his head. "No, I mean _why_? Why would you guys look for me?"

Dougie raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'Why'? You're family, Dan. Why wouldn't we look for you?"

Danny still refused to look at him. "But, after everything I said—"

Dougie shook his head, stopping the Northerner in his tracks. "Dude, we're all hanging off the edge. No one blames you for snapping. And you're obviously sorry, so that's all that counts."

Danny finally looked up, offering a small smile. "Thanks mate."

Dougie waved him off. "No problem, now come on! We've got to get back to Harry and see if anything's changed."

The bassist reached down and grabbed Danny by the arm, pulling him up. He didn't miss the hiss of pain.

"Dan?"

"It's nothing, Dougie."

Ignoring him, Dougie went to push up his sleeve, gasping at the bloodied mess he was met with.

"What the bloody hell, Danny! How did this happen!"

Danny yanked his hand away, "I, just, I fell."

Dougie didn't look convinced. "Really?"

Danny nodded, trying his best not to look guilty.

The bassist sighed, deciding he'd bring it up later. Right now they needed to get back to the hospital.

With that in mind, they walked out of the room and out of the motel; hoping things would start getting better from here.

Not that they'd had any luck with hoping in the past.

**A/N: Okay, so, yeah, I tried to make it longer for you guys. I just have one request. PLEASE review. I'm begging you. I know there are people who have this on story alert that don't review, and I just, reviewing helps a lot. It's always easier to write when you have positive feedback and all that. So, please, you don't even have to write all that much. I'd just appreciate it if you'd review—the button's right there. Thank you :)**


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